Starting off im a male, 21 years old, names not important. Basically my story is my life isnt as bad as others im sure of that but yet I feel this tremendous pain inside me. Im currently in college to become an architect best in my class and have already had job offers. All this but I come from a not so nice family wanted to get away from them ive had problems with this in the past I’ve been to therapy for this whole wanting to commit suicide since I was young about 13. Its a little funny cause my parents used to tell everyone I went to anger management I even started to believe it was that to until somehow I didnt really notice that the questions this women therapist wasnt about if I was getting mad alot at home when they were really what I was trying to kill myself with next. Ive tried cutting but I woke up in a hospital a few hours later. Ive tried overdose but that has never worked for me for some reason and ive tried hanging but the rope ended up snapping. Its like something is keeping me alive to just endlessly so I can feel this way forever or at least till I die from some other cause. Adding to my cutting and bleeding out thing no one knows who called the ambulance for me.
Ive been contemplating again on suicide because I feel my family despises me. On top of that women seem to stay away from me I dont know what I do im not the most attractive person in the world but there has to be someone out there that somewhat like me. Yet I feel as if my life isn’t even close to as bad as some of these other people. I also don’t believe in a God so I’ve never turned to bible nor will I because I think if there was a god he isn’t helping me or anyone else on this site if he exsist I say fuck him (no offense intended to any religious people reading this) let’s just say I’m in a crisis and feel as if death is the only answer and I sure hope everyone here gets the help they need
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
5 comments
Therapy. You’re supposed to trust them with everything, with all of your deepest and darkest secrets. For them to lie to you is just sinful. I’ve had those “lessons” too and i just can’t stop thinking that they’re doing this as a job, they get PAID to do this. People Suck. And if it helps, I would have loved to meet a man like you, somebody who I can relate to, someobdy who’s not inlove with themself like the boys I can find.
You sense they hate you, they are probably scared because the realize they can’t stop you from killing yourself.
I think there is a God, yet I’m not certain in my beliefs that a hell exists, I think God is love and all loving, so if there is an afterlife I think we all will be with this God even in the event of suicide.
You don’t need to believe in God per se but you do need to open your heart up to the possibility there is something in you, you need to discover. You need to discover love, the love you have for yourself and believe in that. You can focus on how bad you feel or how you want to feel and understand it is you that needs to help yourself, on some level…the Universe will fill in the gaps but you must decide what it is you want and practice the belief…over time you will notice a shift. You haven’t died because you are not ready for that experience and nor do you really want to…you may think you do…when you truly do that will come about.
Before you decide to take your life, imagine who will find you. Imagine them walking into a room, and seeing you just hanging there. Whether it be your little sister, little brother, mother father, grandparents, a friend. Imagine what will happen when they find you. No, they will not say “Finally, they’re gone.†No, they will not say “I’m happy they did that.†No, they will not say “I never loved them anyways.†They will die. Their hearts will break. They will hurt, more than you ever could. They will cry, scream, and break down. They’ll believe it’s all just a dream, praying to wake up. Except, they won’t feel that for a few seconds, or a few days, not weeks, nor months. They will feel that until the day they die. Everyday will be hell. They’ll think of you ever second. They’ll hate themselves for not being able to help or save you. They’ll wish they could die too. They’ll want to give up, just to be with you. They won’t be ever be happy again. They won’t smile. They won’t go back to their daily routine. They’ll die every time they walk past your room, or see a picture of you, or think of a memory with you. They’ll think, but stay quiet. They’ll visit your grave, feeling a knife go through their chest every time. And every morning when they wake up, no matter how long it’s been, they’ll wake up to thinking they’ll see you, only to be let down once again. And every night, they will cry themselves to sleep, because even though they refuse to admit it, know you’re gone forever.
Before you decide to take your life, think of your family, burying you. Yes, your own mother and father are planning your funeral. It’s supposed to be the other way around, but it’s not. They’ll have to call the cops, sign a death certificate, pick out clothing, buy a tomb stone, a casket, pick out flower arrangements, and more; All for their child’s funeral. The morning of your funeral, everyone who loves you is wearing black. Tears are streaming down their face, while their heart is breaking. Everyone who you thought didn’t need you, or didn’t care, are waiting in line to see you. They aren’t waiting in line at a party, or a graduation, or at a wedding reception. They’re waiting to see you, hands folded, lifeless, in a casket.
Before you decide to take your life, think of everyone you will be hurting. Don’t you dare so no one, because absolutely everyone will be affected. Your grandparents, won’t have a grandchild anymore. Your parents, won’t have a child anymore. Your brother or sister, won’t have a sibling anymore. Your pet, won’t have an owner anymore. That person you sit next to in class, won’t feel your presence anymore. Your teacher, won’t have a student anymore. That time your grandparents told you no, will haunt them forever, thinking it is their fault, that you are now dead. That time your parents yelled at you, will haunt them forever, thinking if they didn’t yell at you, you would still be here. That time your sibling said they hated you, will hate themselves, because they believe you would still be alive if they said they loved you instead. Those kids who made you feel bad, will wish they were dead too, because if they just smiled at you instead, you would be here. That teacher that you didn’t meet her expectations, will feel like a failure, because you would still be here, if she believed in you. Everyone, who has ever been in your presence, will hurt, because if they showed you they cared, you would still be here.
Before you decide to take your life, think. Don’t just think of yourself, think of the consequences for everyone else. No one’s life will be the same again. That person who God made specially for you, won’t have you. That happiness that was waiting for you, will never show again. Before you decide to take your life, realize that you may be ending your pain, but you’ll be starting a lifetime of everyone elses.
If you are feeling alone, and think that suicide is the only way out:
My ask is open, and I’m always here. I’ll never judge you. I’ll try to help you.
Talk to me :/ if this makes you feel worse, please email me, im here and i CARE!! your a complete stranger but i care, and i’ve been exactly where you are, reach out to me :3 Please don’t give up hope
Think I could email you?
Secondchoice21@gmail.com is where you could get me, if you think it’s fine! x