I had a revelation today.
Wait, can you only call it a revelation if it has to do with religion, because I think after my last incident with a priest I won’t be having any revelations anytime soon. Oh well, point is I had a “light bulb” moment, and not really a bright one.
Pun not intended.
Let me take you back to my formative elementary school years: Here’s Violet Blake. She likes to wear foofy dresses with flowers on them and ribbons in her hair. Violet thought she was going to have so many friends, turns out, she was wrong. WAY WRONG. Instead of having a happy and fun-filled childhood Violet spent her days dealing with the mean girls and boys that chose to sabotage her young life.
Okay, enough of the sob story that sounds like it came out of some cheesy Cinderella-type movie narration. I don’t know if all dorky little girls had this issue of the mean girl posse trying to ruin their lives, but let me tell you that no eleven-year-old should comeÂ home every day with tears in her eyes because the back-stabbing brats with money and looks spilled chocolate milk puposefully down her dress at lunch (Oh yes, it happened).
Anyway, when I hit high school I decided to let bygones be bygones and accept the friend request from one of these girls that I’d been mulling over accepting or deleting for days. Granted, it wasn’t the queen bee, Ally Tompkins, herself-if it had been I’d be going straight to hell, revelation or not, for cyberkicking the snot out of her-but it was her second devilÂ in command, Addie Lexington (and yes, they all had stupid, preppy names. Trust me, I wish I was making this up).
I mulled over the computer for hours one night couple weeks ago, nibbling on the ends of my hair. I didn’t know if I should send anything to her. Addie and I had been friends at one point, in the third grade. And I was going to be a College freshman now, I should let the past be the past and start new with her right? If only I could forget what she did in the the third grade when things between us seemed perfect. For a short while I thought I’d found a best friend to talk to and eat lunch with everyday instead of wallowing by myself in the corner of the cafeteria where people throw their unwanted pudding cups and carrot sticks. Unfortunately, all of that ended when she stole my first crush, Collin Harper from me. I know, I was only eight and we weren’t really in love, but I’d liked this kid since kindergarten and it always seemed every time he liked me, things got in the way. All the wayÂ up until the sixth grade.Â But, thats a whole different story.
In reality, I knew I should’ve been over that little incident and every other time her, Ally, and their wanna-be Barbie goons made my life a living hell, but there was some deep grudge inside of me that wanted to chew her out for all the times they sent me home crying, wanting to crawl into a hole and never come out. But, unsurprisingly, I didn’t have to wait long for Addie to send me a message herself. Always the instigator, that one.
At first our conversation consisted of nothing more of small talk and I thought that maybe I really could put elementary school behind me and be Addie’s friend again like I’d really always wanted. Of course-becauseÂ things could never really be that simple with me-Â the second she mentioned elementary school all of my feelings from that time came pouring out of me and I layed it all out there on the table, or the internet chat screen.
It seemed like eons before I got a response.
“Did we really do all that mean stuff to you? Oh my gosh, Violet, I’m so sorry! To be honest I don’t really remember any of it but I’m sorry for the hurt we must’ve caused you.”
WHAT? I couldn’t even make my fingers move, my eyes were frozen on the screen, on those words. She couldn’t remember how her friends had come up with new ways to make my life a nightmare every say for six years? Couldn’t remember how they’d trapped Collin in their web of manipulation so he didn’t even want to let people know that he liked me, wouldn’t even talk to me? How did you forget something like that? Was I really that transparent enough that no one even bothered to register my existence in their memory?
I slamed my laptop shut, suppressing the urge to throw it across the room. Although I did manage to break a few keys when shutting it so violently, hence whyÂ I haven’t been posting for awhile, had to go out and pay to get the damn thing fixed.
Anywho, I just couldn’t believe that girls so sinister and evil would forget the havoc they wreaked on innocent human lives. You’d think they’d at least keep files or something on this stuff.
Did I really blame them for forgetting though? I mean not everyone could have a memory like me where they remembered every single face and name and had them burned into their mind. And besides, it wasn’t like I’d ever given those girls or guys a reason to remember me, I had never stood up for myself, I had always remained the weak and vulnerable little girl I was right now. In fact, I had probably been so invisible throughout my life, fading into the background, that if I disappeared forever the world wouldn’t even stir.
Well, that was never going to happen again. Ever.
From now on I am going to be the strong, independent woman I know I am underneath this scared and fragile exterior. I am going to stand up for myself, show everyone that I cross paths with that I’m not just a wallflower to be ignored, I exist, I’m here, and I am going to make a mark in this world.
I am Violet Esmerelda Blake.
No one is ever going to forget that.