Hopeless World

My name is Trenton and i’m posting this out of confusion, hopelessness and honestly the rest of the reasons i don’t know. Obliviously being on this site shows that i don’t want to live anymore. I hate this world for what it is i hate our species and what they do. I’ve felt this way for quite a while now and i always thought “can’t i change it?”. But then reality comes to play and shows me that i can’t. I simply don’t have the motivation or discipline to even think i could change it. As i’m speaking right i should be reading a book for a project but when i try to read it, i can’t get myself to because of my lack of disciplined mind. I’ve had suicidal thoughts since middleshcool and i’m now becoming a junior in highschool. I hate our species for many reasons, i hate how ignorant we are and how selfish and cruel we are. I’m not saying “everyone in the world are assholes but me” because i know, despite i care for others and try my best, that i too make the same mistakes which is exactly why it hurts me so much. Theres nothing we can do about our hopeless society and i’m in such a hopeless situation. Not just society but in my past too, i’ve never made great grades and i’m coming out of school soon and i know nothing but failure reaches for me. Our society is like that, only accepting certain people into certain things. I hate it, i hate it so much. I hate cultures, religion (yes i’m a fucking atheist fuck you if you have a problem against ), manners. They are all things showing that we have unnecessary  things that make our species so fake!

Of course that isn’t the only reason why i want to die, there are many more. Another thing is my insecurity. Since the beginning of my life I’ve had nothing but pain and getting bullied based on my height and it scarred me for the rest of my life, causing me extreme insecurity. Now whenever I do something wrong i get hurt by it so dramatically that its sad. Sometimes i would lie in the past, about really stupid things like rather i did something in a videogame or not that made people angry, i also came up with a fake story and in my very very past days i pretended a bunch of bullshit that ended people hurt and crying. I stopped now, but from time to time i create something stupid like “hey this book” when the book really doesn’t exist. I’ve learned to stop but it still doesn’t cope to the fact i lied to my best friends about it and now i can’t fix it. I also think (my insecurity) that no one really likes me at all secretly. I hate it, i hate my insecurity because rather they are true or not, it causes me to think horrible things. I hate myself for it, and despite all the good i’ve done to people, i always think people think i’m annoying or disgusting or get in the way. I deeply wish i had someone who would talk to me, and not stop, and understand. And if there was someone who cared, i wish they would stop being afraid and talk to me. I had some people talk to me but they didn’t succeed in helping despite their best intentions.

Yes i’ve said it, i’ve done good since i wrote a story. (a real story) A story of my life, i made vows to help people and all of this stuff. People think me as sweet and nice and i know i am but that doesn’t help my insecurity. If you want to hear the story i wrote, email me at Trenton@post.com with subject STORY.

Yes i’ve also said i was an atheist. I’m repeating this because i don’t want any replies saying “you need to get your share of god” because i don’t believe in god because of the lack of evidence of god. Religion is another reason why i see the world hopeless because instead of legitimately looking at facts and science people come up with some crap.

I’ve also thought of this girl, and i know thats how most suicides act is based on another person but she’s not the reason. I somtimes imagine hugging her or kissing her or even being with her but i know it wouldn’t happen. I wish the thoughts would go away because relationships is another thing i noticed our society fails at. And i know it would never happen anyways.

Mostly i want to die because of the hopeless future i believe i have. I also hate our society and how it is so corrupt on businesses, war, religion i could go into detail but honestly i don’t have the energy for it.

I wanted advice on how i could kill myself but since this site doesn’t allow it, i’ll just end it here.

I’m ready to die