im 17.. i feel like such a little kid around every one.. they all treat me that way.. little things mess with me really bad. i have borderline personality disorder.. i haven’t had a very good life and i understand that.. i understand that there are people out there who have had it worse than me.. i just don’t no why all this has happened too me. if there really is a god out there then why are all of these good people having bad things happen to them..i was raped by my brother and my little sisters brother from the time i was 5 tell i was 8.. my friend was molesting me too and so was her father. i couldn’t tell any one i didn’t no what was going on. i didn’t no that it was wrong.. i went too go and live with my father when i turned 10.. he beat me. i got dragged threw the hole house by my hair got beating off things thrown in to things. i don’t remberr very much but the doctors think that my father was raping me too because i had bruises all over my legs. i went back to my moms after all of that. i got raped by my sisters boyfriend she still don’t believe me today. then i got raped by my friends brother.. she don’t believe me either.. now were i live with my mom.. i watch her get beat her get raped.. i want too leave her but i can’ti love my mom even though she has put me threw a lot of things… i never feel alive any more. im scared of people. scared to love. scared to get close to any one. every one leaves me. and every one tells me i’m lieing about what has happened to me because i can’t tell you any thing else other than it happened. i block every thing out and when it finally does i will end up killing my self. some times i just dont feel like i should be alive.. how am i helping this world any.. i just dont no any more. im not looking for pitty.. i just want to no that im not alone. that other people have went threw what i have.. that there is people going threw what i am..
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There are so many people out there that are going through what you have, don’t ever feel like you’re alone. The things you have gone through make you a stronger person because now you have the ability to help and connect with anyone and everyone who shares this experience. Instead of saying “why me?” you should be saying “why not me?” because you have the story now that can help and save hundred of girls and keep them alive. You can make a terrible and horrific experience such as this one into one that is moving and touching and very educational. You can help parents cope with abuse as well as kids, you can help rape victims as well as those who have seen it first hand happen to a loved one. You are amazing, your story is worth sharing. Stick around and see just how helpful you can be. You have a purpose, don’t give that up. Head up 🙂
thank you.. that actually does make me feel better.
The blocking out thing, I have it to. It’s just your brain trying to heal you from the trama you had as a child. It’s just our body trying to protect ourselves. ^^ like what that’s skyrider said, it makes you stronger.
Hi Alexis, just want to say I read your story and I’m truly sorry all this has happened to you. Glad what Skyrider said resonated for you, because essentially what he/she says is true even though depression may cause you to think you don’t have tit in you to help anyone…Life could indeed have a wonderful purpose in mind for you even if it’s not too clear right now and you just feel traumatised by so much abuse in your early life. Love, Zoe X