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I keep doing it

by AW92

I can’t believe I keep letting this happen.
I have this boy I love having sexual intercourse with, he’s absolutely amazing, everything is nice and perfect size.
Anyway, he’s always treated me pretty bad, like there’s no relationship here just casual sex but still, respect is needed and this thing works two ways, okay so he was all like keen and now he’s only allowed to ask me when he’s keen I’m not allowed like seriously.
Oh and now he’s bringing more people into it. I don’t know how to say no so I go along with it. And tonight it’s just gotten out of control. He’s so rude and speaks to me like shit. I do not want him in my life anymore big he’s so good at the sex part I also don’t know how to actually do relationships anymore either πŸ™

This is so messed up I can’t be bothered and I would like to just vanish forever.
I know I’m doing it to myself but I can’t stop I need attention, I enjoy negative the the most… At least I know people are giving a fuck.

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16 comments

waitingforyouu 7/13/2012 - 12:54 pm

I understand the feeling of having sex with a person and feeling important to them in the moment., But in reality, we are only objects to them, you are causing more pain within yourself each time you give in and have sex with him. You don’t need this beautiful, you are worthy of someone who will treasure you and value you as a person not as a sex object. Please stop yourself before it’s too late. Please stay strong.

AW92 7/13/2012 - 12:58 pm

It’s so hard πŸ™ no one makes any effort for me unless they’re getting this from me, I get no attention otherwise.
I’ve started going out into the city for fun lately so I’ve been meeting new people but I know somehow they’ll find out about everything too πŸ™

waitingforyouu 7/13/2012 - 1:11 pm

I understand it’s hard, But remember that each time you do sleep with him, you are losing a piece of yourself. You’ve been going out more and that’s great! that means you will meet a person who will give you the right attention. Wait for someone special to come hun, it’s worth the wait. Find value in yourself and get away from him. I don’t think the pain is worth those kind of moments. Think about what you really want. <3

AW92 7/13/2012 - 3:22 pm

I’ll start trying to think of it that way more, I’m thinking of just changing my number and deactivating facebook but then I won’t be involved with people who are nice to me.
I hope I meet new people soon, the people from my town are really getting to me, I think I will start thinking about myself more.
Thank you.

ImfeelingNumb 7/13/2012 - 2:03 pm

Hi there,

I am sorry that you are caught up in this cycle. All I can say is that I recognize this cycle because one of my very good friends was trapped in that for years.

She felt she didn’t get the attention or love she wanted from men so she slept with them but always ended up not having them
Respect her or get involved with her.

Every time she did this, was the same. She would meet a guy, want something with him, end up sleeping with him whenever he wanted but they were just using her for sex and she kept thinking if she just tried harder they might end up liking her more.

The problem is that she would take so much crap from these guys, like they ignore her till they make a booty call and use her. Then she was dumped till the next time, leaving her upset, hurt, rejected and feeling like dirt

The more she did it, the worse she felt about herself and the more she needed to feel like she needed to be liked. So she would do it again and it was a vicious circle

She was substituting affection for sex. She thought it meant they liked her. They didn’t. They were using her because she allowed them to. She let them get away with it. If a man can get sex without having to be involved, they will ! Don’t give them sex because you crave affection

They will never respect you for that. You are only hurting yourself in the process. You need to figure out how to start valuing yourself for the beautiful woman you are. People can be real shits and will take advantage of someone who doesn’t have high self esteem. I think that’s one thing you might need to start building up within yourself and sooner or later u will meet people that give you the right kind of attention

AW92 7/13/2012 - 3:26 pm

Sounds like its the exact same boat.
It’s just hard, I’ve never been good with the real affection side of anything, even with family.
I find it hard to even think someone might want more than just sex from me, and I don’t understand how that could be so I mess it up somehow.
I think I’m a pretty young woman, I do get told by a stranger at least once a week, but with the way boys are its impossible to believe it.
I think I might finally cut him off.
New number I think.
Thank you

FakeSmile 7/13/2012 - 3:28 pm

It is true that we guys can be a slimey bunch….

But you know SOME of us can actually mean what we say.

Be strong.

AW92 7/13/2012 - 3:34 pm

Iknow, you’re not all the same slimy kids but these boys from my town, they’re completely off the rails.
The only way I can describe them, Is that they’re a bunch of bong smoking, pill popping, crack heads with too much money for the average 20 year old and that if a girl was completely off her head on all types of drugs they would still have sex with her, tell the world and then mock her for something they did.

FakeSmile 7/13/2012 - 3:35 pm

Classy.

Maybe it is time to look for luggage.?.?.?

AW92 7/13/2012 - 3:36 pm

What do you mean by luggage?

FakeSmile 7/13/2012 - 3:39 pm

Time to move to a better city then. (assuming your old enough to do that). And if you arent – then there are resources to HELP YOU find a safe place. Let me know if you need help.

AW92 7/13/2012 - 3:44 pm

Oh! Yeah I’m old enough, I just don’t have enough money or education to move away yet πŸ™
I’m studying a simple business reception course at the moment, so hopefully by the beginning of this year I’ll be in either south Australia or the northern territory.

I’m holding on for the day I leave here, it’s been so long.

FakeSmile 7/13/2012 - 3:40 pm

But I am sure you can google it probably BETTER than i can.

FakeSmile 7/13/2012 - 3:45 pm

Well good luck to you. Nice to hear you have a SMART plan.

AW92 7/13/2012 - 3:49 pm

Thank you πŸ™‚
Haha it’s not very smart, I’m pretty old to start this now ha.

AW92 7/13/2012 - 10:42 pm

I know I have a choice it’s just do hard to say no because I know he will get all shitty and I don’t like making people upset.
I really do need to think about myself, I’m going to start trying now.
Thank you

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