the coward’s way out, then I’d rather be a smart coward than brave and delusional
ever since I’ve stopped going to college (sept. 2011), I’ve been trying to figure out what I’m supposed to do next, what path to follow .. in vain
but the truth is: a future where I’m glad I’m still alive, where I’ve found a purpose is a self-inflicted lie .. my ego+personality knows that when I die, it will be the end of it and it can’t stand the idea of its own death .. so it would rather fool me into believing there’s still something to gain from, something to accomplish while being here (wait and you will see)
I’m tired of reflecting on how I got to this level of disgust for and disinterest in life as a human .. tired of trying to find my place in this world when I’ve realised I don’t belong .. tired of learning through negative experiences, of looking for answers (some goddamn truth for a change) and of living to enjoy music, sometimes food and occasional sex .. seriously, what’s the point of being involved in a place where suffering is the rule ? if you’re a sado-masochist, this place must be heaven to you
whoever is behind this world must be an evil bastard