Every time I fail at something I have images pop into my mind of me putting a gun to my head and pulling the trigger. It’s gotten to the point to where I also see these images every time I think of things I’ll never have or things I should have done differently in the past. These visions are slowly making the idea of ending my life more and more do-able. More and more realistic…
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Okay, I hope I do not sound like some rah-rah poster….. but let me ask you.
HOW would that help? If you fail at X, how does quitting life make you NOT fail. If you want to run from pain – how does being dead and feeling nothing help???
Ya, failing can suck. BUT, dusting yourself off and FIGHTING to get a win or accomplishment is a great feeling. Have some FIGHT in you. Prove the world wrong – show them that you CAN do X.
You can do it.
Thanks for the encouragement James. I don’t control these visions at all. It’s become almost like a reflex. This was the only way I could explain it. I don’t necessarily WANT to end my life, but I’m noticing that it seems to be a lot easier to think about than it used to be. Right now it’s my family that keeps me going.
Know what you mean…