No more tears…

Death, sadness, joy…
Doesn’t matter if it’s a sad anime called fruits baskets, or a dead person. I can’t cry, nor can I though intense happiness. The tears have dried up completely. I come about a breath away from tears, yet they never come. For some reason, I hope to be able to again. 

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My mom and step-dad are most likely getting a divorce now. I remember the day my mom took 2 hours extra to get home and my dad accused her of cheating. Then a few months later, my dad asked on one cold night. We sat on the cold front yard and he asked who would I live with if they separated. I didn’t take him seriously, so I said,” at this house with you and get to stay with my…”

I said friends…. -_-… Those friends were assholes, bullies, and only a few years later would cause me more torture and pain than ever. Those years I was able to cry. I never cried when my parents divorced. Funny thing is I started my depression around that time, but don’t accompany it as the cause of the depression. 

Now my mom and step-dad are divorcing. I wonder if they took my sister Vanessa into consideration for who to stay with. I was too young to decide, and so was I. 

I kept thinking about love being the meaning of life. I was looking for my charger just now and found the box of chocolates for Jasmine that I never gave her. I hope it melts and wither and disappears. Maybe tomorrow I’ll microwave it and then chuck it away. 

Love is obsolete. My parents don’t get it. And of course… Neither do I. My love is an obsession and with that… It’s a desire to find perfection no matter what. If these intense obsessions aren’t love then… What is love? Too hard to comprehend. I’m truly considering giving up completely on it. Just be single forever, or become a heart-breaker…