Ive Tried Killing Myself so many times & I doesn’t work
I bullied every day by my brother calling me FAT COW , You WHORE , Go Kill Yourself all his comments. Telling me m ugly hitting me giving me black eyes .
I remember one time I was online & this random person sent me a message calling me fat telling me I could die at any moment & nobody would care. So I Took his advice I got a the biggest knife I held it to my throat I busted into tears sitting there thinking about what he said those words […]
July 2012
So about fourmonths ago I went through an emo phase I’ve quit cutting and about two and half months ago I started dipping and now I’m a redneck ha anyways i still have suicidal thoughts (a lot) but I’ll post agin tomorrow it’s hard totype on my slow ass iPod just wanted to tell a bit about myself
My whole life has been nothing but a sick joke, I’ve always been able to save face and truly belive things would get better but to no avail. I’m done being optimistic and hopeful. Everything has finally taken that from me – my one true hold to life. I’ve lost all my family, my friends don’t give a shit and the woman that I love is gone with the ring for her sitting in my sock drawer. I’ve thought about killing myself before and not done it or tried because I thought of it as a selfish act. Now I realize this whole world is […]
Hi. First off, something I want to say is that no matter how bleak things may look, you are strong, and you can make it through this. <3
My story starts about 5 years ago. all through elementary school I was always the most outgoing and fun-loving girl in our little town. I was never without a friend to play with. That all changed the day of my 11th birthday party. It was the most fun party I had ever had. I was so happy because my dad picked me and my friend up in a semi-truck to bring us home. we got there, and there […]
I’m done. Nothing I do is ever enough, and it never will be. My entire life has been one big failure after another, and I am so tired of trying.
Funny thing is, if you saw me on the street, you’d never know my life is a living hell. I’m “happy.” People are forever telling me how “strong” I am, blah blah blah, but I’m NOT. I just put on a good face. I go through the motions of daily life, but inside, I’m screaming.
Why do I want to die? Ha! Take your pick of reasons-I’ve got plenty of ’em! Let’s start with a little history, […]
I’m so in love with your smile.
Your laugh.
your lips.
Your sweet eyes.
how you held my hand.
How we danced in the night.
Every holiday together 🙂
Kissing in the rain.
Point is.. I did you wrong and I’m so sorry.
I wish you’d take me back.
I love you so much.
I miss you so much.
Ill wait.
Forever.
SO.. I found out about this through my little sister.
I thought I could try it out. I’m not perfect. And I always feel alone.
I’m seventeen and a cutter. I stopped for sister.
Im pretty mean to her..but I never mean it. I’m just…bitter. I have a lot going on and no knows. I don’t wanna tell people. But… I read my sisters posts and I don’t know if I’m more angrry… or upset with her. I never meant to upset her. Or make her do self harm. If I could take it all back I would. I really would. But its too maye […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
The world aint a friendly place.so quit finding friends. The pains and hate will never leave so quit feeling them.. Drop the blade do what i said quit feeling them
u say u love me more then ur life
u say im the girl u will eventually mary
u say u will never forget me
u say im the best gf u have eva had
u say how strong ur love for me is
u say im beautiful
u say u would do anything for me
til u decided im worth nothing cuz now i got my phone and ipod taken away 4ever u want NOTHING to do with me. u say if we cant text or call there is no point in making an effort.
WHY did u say all those things […]
Welcome, step inside my mind!
If you aren’t worried now, its a matter of time,
Till you break through the seal, and feel what i feel,
even then for you it will never be real.
My mental health? How bad could it be?
Well its hanging by threads! Im crazy you see?
Depression has me thinking of things that are vile,
I cut and i bruise and it makes me smile,
The pain I enjoy it, frightening enough,
And when I try to put the ones that I love,
first instead of myself,
It really makes me think…
Don’t do this they love you, try for them,
But my mind just continues to sink..
I needed help before this […]
God I was feeling so good yesterday, and now it’s back to not being able to concentrate and having panic attacks non stop.
I’ll start at the beginning. A few months ago, my mum started getting really sick. At first she refused to admit it (she is a very proud person, and I guess I inherited it from her), but she eventually went to the doctor. Over the next couple of months, the doctor (and others he had brought in) couldn’t figure out if it was cancer or something less serious and therefore to this day haven’t diagnosed it. During this time, both my brother and I have […]
Oh man… it feels like it’s been so long. These last 2 years have taken everything out of me.. except for my life. I can’t live like this. Not for much longer at least. The days drag on longer and longer. Some days aren’t so bad, but it just keeps coming back. It’s always going to be a part of me. This is who i am now.
I almost got to the point where i didn’t want to jump in front of the bus one day… just that one day. Is it really worth living when you feel like this? You don’t live to be happy.. […]
whats the use if you cant even cry on their shoulder…
anyways, my demons are getting overwhelming and im waiting to just stop cutting like a ***** and TERRORIZE my fucking wrist…
I’ve been moving on lately. Not in the way one would imagine. I’ve become raw and uncut in my creativity. I’m exposing myself to the world with photos of what i see, thing I model in a virtual space, things i may draw by hand and music. Oh no I’m still not happy. But I’ve decided to keep pretending.
I”m doing light work. Work as in making amends to old flames if I possibly can. Maybe an offer of friendship or two. I’m learning to forgive my parents even though they still bait trap and subtly belittle for effect, and myself because I keep making mistakes. […]
I was a liar. Am a liar. It’s the sort of thing that you can’t really speak about in the past tense. It started when I was really young, in elementary school when my parents got divorced. I would lie to both parents to get what I wanted. And I would get what I wanted. They weren’t big things like an mp3 player or a new toy or something, just small things that weren’t very important, non tangible things like a play date or some sympathy; a hug. Then they got bigger and bigger. I would plan things out, these huge deceptions and falsities, as […]
This song means a lot to me.. Not sure if anyone else can relate.
Versus the world – Love every scar
I fell in love every scar on her wrists
And sad eyes told a story of every
Great thing that she’d missed
She doesnt call here anymore
She didn’t even say goodbye
Just a kiss blown to
The wind we didn’t catch in time
This can’t be right the night has just begun
And I already feel like I’m dead
I know I shouldn’t hate myself
I should be blaming this on you instead
Instead I’ll rewind these weeks in my mind
And I don’t think I’ll […]
I haven’t posted for a while, not a great deal has changed, I had my 23rd birthday on Saturday another year of suffering, I didn’t want my birthday to happen I had thought that I’d be dead by now..
I still haven’t managed to get hold of a helium tank. I wish there was someway to escape this void that I’m stuck in.
Ive been seeing my psychologist as of late.. He has warned me that if I keep up this behaviour that will be seen by the triage team, I don’t really care.. I feel like I have nothing to lose anyway.. Everything just seems aimless. […]
I gotta acknowledge… You guys mean EVERYTHING to me… All of you, this site, I would do anything to make sure nothing bad happened to what I have here. A place to vent, A family, A few people I got close to and some that I would like to, people to care for who care for me. I need you guys. I love you guys <3 Thanks so much for being here for me <3
i was so close. so close. my evil sister told my mom that the past few days i have been overdosing (she knows everything bout me) my mom went into a flip attack and started screaming at me other shit i was so hurt my sister told more hurt my knew before i left the earth. she was contemplating letting it go or taking me to the hospital. she chose hospital. ha i got out of that, thank god. now im in trouble. like lots of trouble. i want away and out of my family im fed up qith them, they parent based on […]