FOr my whole life, I have been bullied, called fat, stupid, crazy, and psycho. I weigh 84kg today, and i’m only 14. I starve myself. I have depression. When I was 11, my brother died in a car accident. When I was 12, My cousin comitted suicide. We were so close and it has ripped my world apart into little tiny pieces. I cut myself. I consider suicide almost every day, like it’s something I have to do. Someone, help me. Please.
July 2012
yeah im pretty sure, he got what he wanted back, now i dont think he needs me anymore. im stuck in hell alone i guess.
I guess ill start from the begining… I grew up without a father, for my childhood, I never had fun because I was always forced to do homework from books that you can buy. If I did a problem wrong, I would get hit with a wooden stick on the hands or slapped in the face… I always enjoyed games since I grew attached to it considering my mom was at work. Playing games also were the part of the my life where I would unstress my selfI also never had an actual summer since my mom still forced me to to spend all my […]
I feel so overwhelmed, I want out. My family never listens, so much fucking aggression. Everything is my fault. I want it to stop. Im so over my head, I just want someone to listen. I want something in my life that makes it worth it. I’m so sick of the fucking expectations and lectures and screaming!!!! I just want someone to be civil! No one will talk to me, Im fucking alone. They just get angry and yell when I talk about my feelings. I dont have any adequate instruments to cut myself. I feel like i’m welling up with all these ugly emotions, […]
Dedication, intensity, effort, practice, determination… all those words in Gatorade commercials: sometimes you just, fail.
You get back up again, and fail again. Every failure hurts. You see people trying until they succeed, but you never see someone trying and failing all the time. If you try a a hundred times, they tell you you’ll succeed the 101st time. If you try a thousand times, you’ll succeed 1001. At what time can you quit and you’re not a quitter? You tried, you failed….. you’re a failure. You stop trying, you’re a quitter. You tell yourself you don’t care. It might even be true after a while. Passion […]
All hope is gone
Hoping to not see the days dawn
I am helpless in time
My life has no reason or no rhyme
My life is frozen in time
People say Ill get through
But they don’t understand what I really want to do
I don’t know where to go
Other then the place u all know
What happens next
Do I live or do I die
Is my place down below or in the sky….
Losing hope quickly …..
Why must we suffer? And why does it seem like it’s all in vain? I am beginning to think that my own suffering is surely in vain; it doesn’t make me a stronger person or build my character, or give me any new insight. Â It simply sucks the life from me like a parasite. If I knew somehow that I had a future, a real chance, perhaps I could push through.
I wonder how many of us would be able to make it through if we just had something (or someone) to validate our existence on this earth–– to just validate our suffering, and to tell […]
Alright so I don’t really know how to do this, but whatever.I’m just going to share my story. Last year I got into alcohol and drugs. I was drinking, smoking cigarettes, smoking weed, and huffing. I don’t know how to explain it. I just wasn’t me. Hanging out with the wrong people. One day at midnight, well, September 7th. It was officially the first day of school and I was dreading it. So, me and my friend took 8 triple c’s or cold cough pills. I knew nothing about it other than it would make me feel good. And I’ve always had problems with depression […]
every day i wake up and wonder why cant i just sleep forever?. I am 25 years old have been depressed for the last five years. Over that time i have started cutting and have on 2 Â occasions i have tried to end my life. the first time i tried to hang myself but the rope broke. The second time I took a full bottle of Vicodin then then tried to shot myself but i just was not able to pull the trigger, my mind told its ok the pain pills will kill you. I woke up 2 days later. I can see no end […]
All I want to do is to sleep.
Permanently.
As a Christian, I was taught to give thanks every morning, to be grateful that I am alive and well. Unfortunately, I am doing the exact opposite. I keep asking: “Why am I still alive this morning?” I pray to God to take my life away because (initially) I don’t believe in suicide.
Apparently that didn’t help much because I am still alive and kicking.
And so here I am, contemplating suicide… With suicide I know for sure I will never have to wake up again…
There are times life seems so beyond my ability
to delicately control that I return to the desire to believe I choose
this life with the deseret environment of my bith parents. There is a lesson for me to uniquely learn from these particular hurtles. I have something to say but aI lack the will to voice.
You’re sitting at your desk, and you know it’s time to go. You’ve said that to yourself over a million times, but this time you know, for sure, is real. You’re tired… you’re just so very tired. You’re parents pissed you off, like school wasn’t bad enough today. You go to get the rope, or the knife, or the gun or whatever you choose to use because you’re that desperate. You’re ready. You think of it as some game… the first one dead is the one who wins. No ones home, it’s the perfect time. You’re ready. If you don’t do it, you’re gonna look […]
i really do hate having panic attacks. the last time i had one, i got very short of breath, my chest hurt, i was backed up against a wall crying and screaming at everyone, convinced in my mindset that everyone was going to hurt me. I dont even know what i was screaming about, i dont really even remember. Probably just for everyone to go away and leave me alone so that i didnt have to cut with them watching.
Cutting….
I dont ever remember doing it, when it’s happening I feel, out of body, like im not really there. just an hour later, i look down […]
Hi there, i don’t want to go into a lot of detail so i will try keep it short. I have suffered from severe depression for 10 years. It started with a breakdown caused by a split with my boyfriend and i swallowed a bottle of paracetomol. I freaked out and called for help. After that i overdosed again and slit my wrists twice and needed stitches. I was hospitalised on and off for a few years and was mis diagnosed with bipolar type 2 disorder. I’ve seen a number of psychiatrists over the years and have been on every single medication you can imagine […]
My ex just said she never wants to see or speak to me again Only thing I could hold onto was at least we were on speaking terms. I’m hyperventilating my body is numb. I’m about to pass out and my entire body is shaking. this is what is fine with push me over the edge
Hint: If you’ve been depressed for years, the odds are, years from now you’ll still be depressed
Time to finally accept that life is a random walk. It may bounce up and down a little here and there, but where you are emotionally today is very likely where you will be years from now. This whole “I’ll give it one more chance” is bullshit. Life is just going to take that “one more chance” and fucking do with it whatever it did with the last fifty chances.
Are you generally a happy person but feeling down right now? Good news: you’ll likely return to your norm soon and be happy again.
Are you generally an unhappy person and been like that for the last […]
Its been a while since I posted. Family moved down to Florida finishing up things in Indiana before I join them. Wonderful support of family made this all possible. I still struggle with the depression(she is on mean *****), but I am in control. Evil thoughts do not linger and I actually smiled and laughed the other day for the first time in awhile. Thank you everyone on this site for giving me a open ear or just a place to keep everybody updated. I don’t think I will be on this site much longer its time to start living again. My only advise […]
I’ve made the decision to give myself one last throw of the dice of life. I’ve been feeling really down and suicidal for the past few weeks, yet over the last couple of days things seem to be looking up. I’ve found the strength to say no to the person who was causing my depression, something I’ve not been able to for a while, I’ve started to become pro active in my social life, signing up to play rugby and accepting a few offers of going out from work colleagues. Maybe I’m fooling myself and just prolonging the inevitable but I think having one last […]
Feel horrible today. I walked out on my job, because I couldn’t stand the bullying anymore, and I know I shouldn’t have to. Doesn’t change the fact that my friend had to pay my rent this month, and I need a job to pay bills. Makes me feel guilty as hell… I’ve never taken money from anyone. Now I’m just sick. I have no idea how I will face my boss, or how I will get the motivation and the courage to go out and look for another job.. this one was bad enough. Can’t even keep a shit job. What’s the point, I think… […]