I have gotten nothing but bad news for weeks now. One huge kick to the teeth after another. And it would be difficult for life to throw anything else at me that has not already been done. However, I have done a lot of thinking and have decided that I will NOTÂ just sit here and let all of these people take away my soul, my dignity, my self respect and my life. I am going to make a stand and become more proactive in these problems one at a time untill I reclaim what is rightfully mine. I want my life back. Sitting here […]
July 2012
“Non playable character.” Or to be more accurate, an AI. An artificial intelligence, played by the game or computer itself. No personality. They’re only there to add little elements to the lives of everyone around it, perhaps to make their gaming more difficult or to allow them to open a new door. I am fully aware I just used a gaming metaphor, and now you know how much of a nerd I am. Not that I am a gamer girl or anything, the only game I’ve played in years is sims. I’m just an idiot kid out of high school with no friends, no skills, […]
I spend every second of every single day trying to make sure that I am “skinny”. I don’t even want to be like.. anorexic. I just want to have a little skin on my belly. I used to be that, but due to high amounts of stress POOF! There goes my cute little body. I hate looking into the mirror. I wish I could erase what I see. I eat only smart ones, healthy choice, special K, or salad. Literally, this is it. I work out three to four times a week from thirty minutes to an hour. I swear I do not cheat on […]
I don’t think that its that I want to kill myself. I just really want the shit to stop
I cant believe you were not there today, you are my life, you are the only reason I get up in a morning, I dont give a shit about my self, I don’t care if i succeed or fail in life, I dont care about friends, or having a boyfriend, getting dressed up or having fun, I just want to see your face again, I have waited months for today, it was the only thing that has kept me going.  You are so so loved, and you will never know. You are the only person who can save me. I love you.
people who arent suicidal trying to make you feel better. its pretty annoying. whenever my friends or family is trying to make me feel better, seeing that im in a pretty bad mood they just say something like: oh think of someone who is worse off than you..
I mean, I get it ok? there’s always going to be someone who’s in a worse situation than me. but here’s the thing about when you say that. thinking about all that, the people who are close to me with cancer, starving, hurting….i cant deal with it it just makes me more depressed. also i know they […]
I hate it when every time i feel like i’m getting somewhere with maintaining and re-establishing my 8 year friendship with my best friend she finds a new way to dimish all hope of us still being friends when we leave school and i don’t have alot of time because year 11 finishes in 10-11 weeks and my friend will stop going to school to go to tafe and it’s frustrating because it feels as though i’m the only one fighting for our relationship, because i’m the one to ask her do you want to see a movie? go shopping? or have a sleepover? and every single time […]
It’s around 4:30am, I have work in a few hours, I wanted to make a post about how I’ve been thinking and thinking of people who came and went in and out of my life. Why have I always been overly attached to those people?
In middle school I dated a family friend’s son. I was with him for about 1 and a half year? I never  grew attached to him like I was gonna do with the next 3 upcoming men in my life. I did happen to love this kid, but it never actually cried and ache for him. After that was over, I […]
The thought of death sometimes gives me this warm tingly feeling inside. The thought of never having to worry about my life, or about what I am going to do with my life gives me a high. I look at knives and I cant help but pick one up…….I run my finger over the blade to feel how sharp it is, As I do that I think what would happen to my family? my friends? my boyfriend? Would I be selfish for leaving this world and leaving them behind? The pain of knowing how much it would hurt others is more painful than actually being here. I […]
Look inside
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Hope it helps somebody
i am, its true. you are ALWAYS here for me, when im to fucked, to even think. promise after promise i make to u saying i will not attempt suicide, i will quit cutting, and in a week i will stop taking pills for the hell of it. honestly, im sorry, idk why i make promises i cant keep. i try but my mind out rules me. everytime. im terrified, i dont deserve a friend as AMAZING as u, im scared u will finally understand that, and leave. im still ALWAYS and FOREVER will be here for u. u can tell me ANYTHING. but again […]
I used to tell her that if I had to choose between breathing and loving her, that I’d use my last breath to say “I love you”…
A year removed and its a void that can never overcome. So heed my lesson, and hear my warning.. Its better off to be alone..
Alone means nobody can hurt you.
Worried faces stare at me,
I try and hide the agony,
Buried within, so deep inside ,
So deep that I no longer cry.
nothing helps to cure the pain,
blood from my wrists like crimson rain,
so sad and helpless what to do,
When you have no one to turn to.
Close my eyes, get some sleep,
Silent tears no longer weep,
feel like nobody has to know
An eternal slumber i will go,
Eyelids heavy drift away,
To a hopeful bright and newer place,
How lost I was, when I found out,
The outcome of my chosen route,
my minds racing, so constantly,
i hardly have time to breathe,
Who knew the choice to just give up,
Would lead to a neverending depression.
Those eyes are the most beautiful hue of blue I have ever seen. Eyes associated with a complexion that forces even the moon to dull in shine. Surrounding this perfect entity is bliss. A crude seduction is overwhelming as I feel a confidence rise up within me. We are perfect for each other and everyone knows it. My knees go weak knowing he senses my pull towards him. As he walks over to present his hand, all the eyes in the room are fixed on us. I accept. Gorgeous does no justice to the angelic footsteps gliding me around the room. My cheeks turn red as […]
I think depression is clouding up my mind…I have no idea how I became like this
I think about the bad things in life and I can’t find  the good ones
I’m not pretty enough. I’m pretty, but not like those beautiful girls from fashion catalogues. I see myself as I am and I don’t want to be just average. I hate myself for being just ordinary girl. I want to be stunning, gorgeous, perfect… I want guys to like me. I want girls to be jealous of how I look. I want to be perfect. I want to be stunning. I don’t want to be simply. I hate myself. I want to end everything. I see no point in being just pretty. That’s not enough!
Yes, I’m vain. Beauty means everything to me. Too bad I’m not beautiful like those girls […]
Before I start, I am a girl. Fifteen.
Everybody thinks that ‘oh your just a teenager, it’s hormones.’
No. It really isn’t.
I have noticed something, something that many people seize to notice. People are just slaves. We are slaves to everybody around us. Slaves to the people that influence us and control us. Governments make the rules, we follow, simple. If we choose to use our life how we want, we are punished. Free country? I think not. Â People see suicide as being such a bad thing, they are always going on about how ‘omg suicide is selfish and terrible.’ No, it really is not. If it […]
sometimes i wonder why i even try … i wonder why im here…i wonder why i dont just give up and end it all…ive been juged, critizied, blamed, ect. i wonder why im still here…ive almost died so many times but someone was always there to bring me back,but they dont stay they leave and never come back, and i wonder why they did it if they were just gonna leave me feeling more alone then before,i wonder why i havnt just got my razor and ended it all ……