I don’t think I can go on much longer. I see the end of the tunnel coming soon… I won’t go without saying goodbye but that goodbye is coming up. I finally know it is… and in case I forget to say it in my goodbye: Thank all of you so much. I love you guys.
July 2012
I made a fool of myself last night again. Well, maybe not. Anyway, my best friend was in town and the past 4 or 5 times hes been here I haven’t been able to hang out with him. I was always pretty upset about it, anyway. I finally seen him and went to a little party with him and got reaaaaaally drunk. Tequila. Fucked me right up. And I thought I could handle it this time. Iv’e been truly happy lately. But not last night. I went outside to have a smoke and found a spot where I was alone and my friend followed. I […]
i asked myself 1st thing this morning when i woke up. my “story” is not worth typing about – you already get it: it’s depressing. i’ve been suicidal for a few years now, but this will be my 1st real attempt. the “helium method” as i refer to it (no access to guns, i have plenty of pills but those have a TERRIBLE track record of successful suicides). i feel ready to go.
yet i have reservations. i think about my family.
i don’t love them, to me they are like strangers i just happen to know many things about, i do not feel connected or bonded […]
thursday night: the night i decided both on dying and living, my urge to die has lessened. my will to live is not good. so where should i go? i cant leave. i cant live either. why do i care so much. why should i care? well, cuz the thursday night when everything went downhill, i wasnt alone. i had my best friend. sorta. i could tell every message i got from him, he was hurt. cuz i was nearly on may way out of this crazy fucked world. i was scared, scared what he might do if my attempt succeeded, and scared what will […]
many people need a loving partner, to be told they matter and accepted as they are
some may see this need as a drawback, but it in my opinion is a good thing: they still have some hope left, hope in the fact life will give them that special person
sometimes, hope can be enough to keep you going
I’m not sure that I care if I matter to someone .. all I know is I need some money to escape my current situation
plus, money equals freedom these days
It’s been over half a year since I haven’t self harmed myself in anyway. And last night I went back to hurting myself =(
This post probably will have little to none importance and I shouldn’t go through with what I will but I am coward and a loser. There’s hasn’t been much failures in my life until now and when I usually set my mind to do something I do it. You know, like a challenge you assign yourself and you are determined to accomplish i by whatever means.
24 of age currently. I’ve lived a normal life I like to think but in reality it’s not. Honestly comparing to some other posts I’ve read in the past few days mine doesn’t come as close for a reason to […]
I can’t contain this anger!
I fucking hate everything. Cutting doesn’t work so i’ll try burning now.
I’ve always said i would like to just disappear. Now i realise i want to fucking bleed out slowly and die in lots of pain.
Guide my razor tonight. Guide my matches tomorrow.
Hi usually I visit here when I am preparing myself to get of this roller coaster joke called life.
I have had a few good rants and read others rants and sad stories.
I have succeeded in alienating my self from all my friends and most of my family . As was planned so I could just slip away.
I have problems with who I am. As I am gay oriented (maybe bi ) male brought up in a gay hateful environment I have grown up to be very homophobic myself. How this relates to me Is I hate myself for being gay. While I […]
Ugh, I threw my blades away and now I crave them. I just want to die again.
Reading some of the posts here just break my heart. There are so many people that have been, or – in some cases, currently subject to the most hideous abuses by those that are supposed to care for them. Those with drug addicted or alcoholic parents, those that are being physically and sexually abused by members of their own family, or even worse.  It makes the trials and tribulations of my formative years, whilst far from idyllic, seem like paradise in comparison.
Then, there are those for whom fortune has gone and taken a great big dump all over them. These are the people that were […]
I am, aren’t I? I am going mad.
How am I feeling?
Absolutely, positively, maddeningly sad.
I went to the gas station by my house instead of having dinner, and spent the whole time asking myself a never-ending string of what if’s? Â What if all of this is a waste? What if everything is irrational? What if? What if? What if?
When they say “It’s sink or swim”, What if you just get the fuck out of the water?
So in depression is it really sink or swim? Â You can drown in depression, or struggle to swim away… Unless you get the fuck out. Take a […]
lately, my mind has been on its own. what i want is not what it wants. i want to be happy, carefree, an no longer adding heart ache to others cuz of my complaining. i want to be the one that people go to. i want to be the one everyone talks bout in a positive way. i want to say im not depressed. i want this and that but my mind is addicted. addicted to the sadness ive felt for so long. it always thinks negatively either upsetting my friends or causing harm to myself, sometimes its both. i wish to wake up one […]
well…i guess i can say it started when i was only a few years old….my parents were both drug addicts…i was in the bars with my mom and dad till my dad met my step mom when i was almost 4…for me it was normal….but then again so was buying my own food at the store, stealing money from my mom while she slept of the drugs and alcohol for the food, being used as collateral when she didnt have drug money, and being molested by her many boyfriends. then id go home to my dads, he and my mom worked alot…and did drugs so they werent always […]
My sadness is turning into anger, I know that the lack of food is contributing to my irritation but I can’t help to feel abandoned. Out of all the people that said they love me why has no one called? My parents don’t know about my decision to stop eating and keep pressuring me by shoving food in my face and eating my favorite things in front of me I even tossed a slice of pizza out the window and tell them I was eating just to get them to stop, every smell is powerful and temptation is painful. I know they only do it […]
I’m 24 years old and have been depressed since i was six. I was raised in a family where i could never be good enough no matter how hard i tried. I was always compared to my older sister because she did well in school, and was grounded pretty much from first grade till high school. I have tried to commit suicide several times, usually with something going wrong (or right according to some people). In high school i started cutting myself to deal with my depression as it became worse. When i went off to college i met this girl who was popular and […]
I know a lot of people have issues against drugs, and especially illegal ones at that. However, the simple fact is without drugs we would be less of a productive society, but it depends on the drug of course; some drugs make our society worse. Â We know what they are, but I think we all can agree that some drugs have important application. Â If you’ve ever been suicidal (who hasn’t?), we know that something causes this reaction in our mind to give up. Â It’s due to ourselves unequipped to deal with the pain or failing to find the answers that got us to this point. […]
I’m dying for her. Literally. I gave everything for her yet she’s gone and is living her life as happy as ever while i’m stuck at home thinking about her and all of the times we shared. She repeatably told me she loved me and I used to believe her.
But now she doesn’t give a fuck that I can be seconds away from landing up in another hospital or in a graveyard. I will die for her I will do anything in the world for her but I know she doesn’t feel the same. She’s my first love and I just can’t get over her as hard […]
I’m just so bloody fed up! I’ve quit drinking, smoking weed and smoking cigarettes, these used to take me away for a bit from the heavy depression i’m now feeling all over. Today I got rid of my best friend once and for all because they were just bad for me and made me feel like shit most of the time.
Although I’ve done this, I now have no one as I don’t trust anyone and find it very hard to get close to anyone.
A friend of my family committed suicide a few months back and the damage they caused!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But I can’t help thinking how lucky […]
Why can I not find the strength to say no to you? Why do I keep letting you in to my life even though I know when you leave it will hurt and destroy me.
Yet again you text me asking to come round and yet again I said yes. I promised myself that I would discuss my feelings and talk to you this time but it didn’t happen. You put on a film and sat there texting all night, whomever it was I don’t know but I caught a glimpse of the message and it hurt me deeply. You then asked if we could go […]