Sorry for leaving, I never realized how much i needed it here. Not really a now more then ever thing, but still. I miss it here…there were people i cared about. I’m sorry for leaving. I don’t know if I’ll be back for long, or what kind of state I’m in. I could complain about something that recently happened…but I just can’t, it’s too petty. But I missed it here.
July 2012
I want to die. I have family but I think they’ll be ok without me. My mom will feel bad but we don’t talk much anymore and it’s always “fine. I’m fine.” My husband is 7 years younger and deserves a wife who is more fun and active. He’ll miss me for a while but he’ll be better off in the long run. My brothers and sister are all marries and happy.
should i do this before the seafair party, before family comes to visit at the end of the month, before we go to france and italy for 3 weeks for our 10th anniversary?
i wish […]
my life isn’t that bad. not anymore at least. I was raped by someone very close to me. almost every night in 4th grade. other than that, i dont know whats wrong with me. yeah, i get bullied. but not to my face. maybe that makes it hurt more. i know my family and boyfriend love me. but i cant stop thinking and planning my death. im giving myself a month. a month to see if things ever actually do get better. ive been depressed since sixth grade. cutting used to help, but it doesnt anymore. i dont have any escape from my mind. im […]
Being alone is the worst. Its when no one is there to remind you that you are loved and the only company you have is yourself and your thoughts. This is when you remind yourself that you are worthless and that you just want to disappear from this world and this life all together. You never cut yourself or burn yourself or hurt yourself when you are with others. It is always when you are alone. The worst part of being alone is that there is no one to tell you that things will get better and there is no one to have hope for […]
“Get out and do something. i’m not going to sit here and coddle you. stop sulking.”
so i ran away to find someplace i could cry alone. and here i am. i know he loves me and i love him. we just want different ways of showing support. it’s just that now i can’t go home.
Some people may skim, not look at this post or think I’ve gone insane.. But for the past few nights I’ve been having vivid nightmares.. The same ones continuing every night. Where someone i love takes me and touchers me, beats me, and cuts my sides open with a pocket knife not sharp but sharp enough to make my sides bleed. After they would bandage me, wait for it to heal and do it all over again. Its really scary but one of my friends said “Meg ur ok its just a dream, its not actually happening you’ll b fine” Â To him that maybe […]
I have made my decision no chickening out. Â I am posting this so when my family goes through my phone which they will they will see i weighed my options and i was sure. Â You cant escape yourself and i am the problem i cant blame anyone but me. I truly believe this is the best for everyone no more worries about me cutting or worries about me being depressed i will be gone and their lives can go on and be happy. They deserve te best amd im not it
I don’t know why I’m even bothering, but what the hell. I’m still here. Still not in the pokey, either, though I suspect I’m running out of time.
I think I’m sticking around just to piss people off. I’m probably just chickenshit.
It dawned on me this morning that if I was someone else looking at my life and my situation, I’d be telling me to fight hell and high water. Even if I lose, I’d still get to take down a few assholes with me. My brother deserves to be in jail for rape. My narcissistic sister needs a serious dose of reality to shatter her […]
I  stumbled across this site while researching methods of suicide… I decided on Thursday t o kill myself and yesterday was supposed to be  be the day but i chckened out.  I know people say that suicide is selfish and think of your family but for me going on living seems more selfish.  I have been depressed for as long as i can remember and attempted suicide several times. I have been hospitalized  and see a therapist weekly but i am still deeply depressed and still cut daily. My mother thinks that i am crazy and wants me commited. Mostly so i would be out […]
Everything today has gone to shit….
My brother just waking up and going to watch tv somehow got on my nerves
I had a credit card company call and leave a message
I had a bike stolen a while ago which was given to me by my landlord and she just asked where it was…. (least of my problems)
I lost a friend and I don’t know why… I just woke up and all of the sudden shes unfriended me…. 🙁 this one hurts the most…
I ruined my plant – I was trying to change the cycle to make it bud, covering it with a garbage bag, and now […]
Okay I said I wasn’t going to come back to this site but here I am. You ppl seem to be the only ones to understand. I’m in my early 30s and very alone. It sucks so bad but at the same time I push people away. I have these anxiety attacks and deal with depression so it embarresses me to be around anyone but at the same time I can’t handle being alone. I kno makes no sence at all. Its just like now… I lost 3 people just yesterday. Crazy weekend… had the police tracing my fone b.c. I was open to a […]
I went crazy yesterday.
 Mom brought home the one who irrates me so. We had an agreement that I would get advanced warning we she was bringing him home. Yesterday she had left a message on my phone. I had be working in the barn and hadn’t had my phone with me. There’s a longer story but I ended getting upset and lost my ability to talk and think straight. I tried to contain myself/felt an explosion inside. Ended up mucking up two of my belongings(silently with no audience-it was the best I could do).
Today, he’s back again. Today there was not even a call before. […]
a gift from God, does that mean depression also is ? how do you return the gift without causing pain to other God’s children ?
Over a year a go, I went to a doctor just to talk to someone. I was just having one of those of days, that was all. I was never depressed. Anyway, she gave me these tablets that were citalopram without explaining what they were, how long I should take them for or when it would be reviewed. She didn’t even explain why she thought I should be on them in the first place. All she said was if it was me, i would take them. I had been taking these tablets from October 2010-November 2011 without knowing what they were. This was a trainee […]
I have been contemplating the final act for weeks on end. My roomate just left for work so the apartment is mine if I choose to do so. The only way out is a rope, I dont have access to any pills this time. I think about the actuall moment of loosing conscieness. I have a video of a person which posted his suicide online from hanging. I’ve watched it 10 or 20 times over the last year and a half. His body isn’t completely suspended meaning he could have stood up at any point before passing out to stop his suicide. I have never […]
So today is the 30.07.12, and today I have given myself one year too think it over, to plan it and too decide if  it’s truly what I want.
My boyfriend, he left me today. He has no answer, he won’t even talk too me. Fact is I was very reliant on him.
I just can’t cope, and I can’t live like this. So one year today I will decided whether to kill myself or not.
As a child, I was sexually abused  by three girls, and one guy. I was physically and mentally abused by my sister. I was tormented and at age 11 I started too […]
so. my butterfly project is meh right now. I’m hoping it will pick up soon. buuuuuut. c’est la vie. anywho. i made a few more butterflies! and named them this time. for the names, http://butterflyprojects.wordpress.com/2012/07/30/so-this-time-around-ive-named-them-11/. but here are pics of them!
Alright im 19 years old. You guys on here think you’ve been threw stuff? My Bio dad abannded me when i was born. Another man Adopted me and called me his. Only for me to find out it really wasnt him who was my dad. Brother died of cancer. I pretty much raised him. I have attempted suicide many times and i believe that it has put me in an inbetween of this and the next life. I look around and everything seems darker. The whole world just angier.
When i began expiermenting with drugs i did many things. Ive done anywhere from pot/DMT/Spice/Coke and about […]
Parent logic-
Dad is going away on a trip for work. He will be gone for a total amount of roughly three days. (pretty much two, and one night.) I havent seen my best friend taylor for months, due to the fact she goes to a different school. I make plans to see her on Friday. That is the day my dad gets back.
He says no to her coming over, due to he hasnt seen my mom and would want to spend a night with her. (by the way, when they are home, he is constantly taking her out. while I stay home and babysit.)
REALLY? Tell […]