Just a little preface, I am a 26 year old male who works for the biggest telecommunications company in Canada (I cant say who….) as an Install/Repair technician. I am only mentioning this because it will tie together further on.
Well, I had this one REALLY bad day, and I had suicidal thoughts which would not go away. I wanted to die, just like most other days… I have this one way bridge near my house, and I figured it would be good to hang from. It is a one way bridge, and a few people I know would see me there… The bridge is for a train, which I had the thought of laying on the tracks, but then dismissed it because of the pain that would be involved.
So it was around 12:00AM, and it was pitch black when I decided to go attempt to hang myself. Here is where the first bit about my job comes in. I have some telephone wire just laying around, and I figured it would be a good hanging medium, all while being slightly ironic (because the job is causing a great deal of stress). So, I looked at the one spool, and it only had 4 coductors (wires) within the one wire. I thought maybe it would snap and I would drop to the ground and break a leg and end up in a hospital instead of dead. So, I looked at this other wire I had… It had 6 conductors (wires) in it. I figured PERFECT, this will do. It is strong, and could hold my weight.
I doubled the wire just to be 100% sure it would hold, and tied a slipknot because I don’t know how to do a noose. I had the wire ready to go, all I had to do was climb the hill, and attach it to my head and the bridge, and push off.
So, up the hill I climbed. I was lucky there weren’t any teenagers hanging out there, because they would have judged me and/or called authorities. I sat on the edge of the bridge, for 10-15 minutes, and had a smoke. I took the wire out, and I almost got it around my neck and attached to the bridge, when you never guess what saved my ass,….
I heard rustling in the bush to the left of me. I was looking, and could see a black tail with a bit of white. I knew instantly it was a skunk. The skunk was climbing uphill through the bush, and started walking along the train tracks towards me. I ran like hell back down and inside the house, in fear of being sprayed.
I just got saved by a skunk. I do not know if I would have followed through or not, but I was sure as hell close to the edge and ready to take the next step.
Interesting, to be saved like that. I couldn’t believe it. So my plan was foiled, and now I know I have to do it during the day when there aren’t skunks (lol). Problem is during the day theres usually kids up there screwing around or smoking weed.
I still think about hanging myself, although I do know it would hurt… So I am looking for another method.
SYOTOS
~kthx
12 comments
thanks you for posting this i just joined and i just have fallen into such a deep depression latley
You might be a little “young” for this – but I just get a mental image of Pepe Lepeau bouncing along the tracks singing songs of love with a thick french accent
on a serious level – you don’t really say “why” other than you had a real bad day – not trying to judge or pry – your reasons are your own – but maybe getting the real reasons of you chest might help?
le dawg
sounds like you were afraid of leaving by hanging, and your mind proceeded to find any clue, any reason to have you submit to that fear
as you said, better to find another method
Hahahaha no I am actually old enough to know of pepe le peu lol….
I don’t have reasons, my depression comes from nowhere… Life just sucks ass. Maybe it’s tied to social anxiety, who knows? I know loneliness does affect the depression, which I am a lonely person.
Yeah, I am somewhat afraid of leaving by hanging, but that nigght was so horrible, I would have done it if it weren;t for the skunk…
When the mental pain exceeds the ability to cope drastically, that is when you will do almost anything to die.
I have been contemplating the helium exit bag method… But the town I am in is so small, I don;t think there are any party stores selling helium :-/ That and I am on disability and basically broke because of it.
Thanks for reading 🙂
Now you have a real dilemma – every time you think of suicide you’re gonna “see” Pepe prancing down the tracks chasing the painted ***** of love 😀 😀
perfume dawg
Hey Dude!! I’m so glad that Pepe Le pew saved your life… Reading your post I’m imagining that you live close to the New Westminster on BC… skunk, teenagers smoking pot and the Fraser River railway bridge… You are so young!! if you work is affecting you in such a horrible way you should try something else… maybe you are making good money right now and that is stopping you from quit, but you have the rest of your life to work your ass off, your mental health comes first. I used to live in Canada and I loved it, I wish I was there having a stressing job in the telecommunication company…sometimes Suicidal thoughts are distorted
ideas due to stress;they are not reality;don’t let them fool you! Good luck and hope you will have more encounters with Pepe Le Pew and stay away from that bridge 🙂
It’s a good thing that skunk was there that night or else who knows what would have happened? Thank God that you didn’t hang yourself. I’m going to venture to guess that you work for either Bell or Rogers and you work somewhere in the GTA. Am I getting warmer?
I would confirm one and not the other, but to keep my job safe, I can’t. All I can say, is if you think of it as “bloods” and “crips”, I would be a “crip”…. Don’t say it if you picked up what I laid down 😛
I say Rogers, I used to be a customer and every time I saw my bill I wanted to kill myself!
@Dawg: Bahahahhaa yeah…. It would only be when I think of hanging myself from that bridge… But I see it a lot because im literally right beside it.
@otherdudeiforget: No, I live in the GTA (in Ontario).
@sowhat: Yeah I think of my health the same way… I was talking with my dad, and explained it like that, that I dont want to quit, but if I have to do it to stay sane (and alive) I will. I couldnt care less whether or not I have a job lined up… He completely disagreed, because then I may not find a job, and get into a worse situation…. I just want the hell to end. The job isnt causing it, but it sure as hell is aggravating it…
@everyone: Thank you for reading my story… Thank you all so much for your comments and support!
Bahahaha yeah both companies make me want to kill myself hahahaa…..
Rogers sucks balls… But so does Bell. Both companies are destroying the internet by limiting bandwidth. The internet was meant to be FREE and UNRESTRICTED… Not limited and censored… STOP THE CENSORSHIP AND RESTRICTION OF THE INTERNET!!! bastards… Ruining a good thing :-/
So, the problem is your job or anything else? I had problems with a job, I got better after quiting it, but as my real problems were deeper I still try to find where do they came from.
There’s a frase from Freud wich says: “the normal person is that one able to love and work.”
Well, as today I have none I could say I’m not normal. What about you, are capable of both? you could use some help before attemping suicide.
No I have many more problems… Read the post I made about social anxiety… I have been single for at least 10 years… And now I just have lost my best closest friend. I also lost every chance of ever attempting to be with her again… And it was because of shit she said, and taking the opposite side.
I also have spent every single valentines day alone… While she (and others) may see it as “just another day”, I see it having some significance, as well as the yearly marker when I realize I am still all alone…