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Sweetest Lie

by Ren, The Riddle Queen

Written to a dear friend, who helped me live the sweetest lie. I’ve often contemplated suicide and have attempted and, as you can obviously tell, failed to actually kill myself. My dearest friend, Matthew, who’s name has been changed due to privacy issues, and I dated for a year. This is my last letter to him, sent to him only a few days before his death. He was found in his garage with the engine running not long after his death, and soon I hope to join him.

I’m tired of this life, tell me a lie.
Do me a favor; tell me I’ll be missed if I die.

Let me leave thinking that I was loved.
Tell me that people actually cared.

I know it’s a lie, but I don’t care.
Truth in this world is very rare.

Tell me that everything will be alright.
Tell me that I no longer have to fight.

Tell me I no longer have to cry.
That soon I will be able to fly.

Let me live in my fantasy world, if only for a day.
Let me bask in the sunlight and carelessly play.

Let me dance the night away in the rain.
Before I die, just please let me forget my pain.

-Ren, The Riddle Queen

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31 comments

AtTheEnd 7/21/2012 - 2:30 am

I love your writing…

Ren, The Riddle Queen 7/21/2012 - 2:36 am

Thank you(: It’s an older piece and I’d like to think that I’ve improved since then but I always love to hear other people’s opinions. 😀

AtTheEnd 7/21/2012 - 2:39 am

Well I wouldnt known if you improved or not but theres a great beauty in what you wrote..it makes my shattered and tattered heart smile. I’m sad to hear that a writer like you will leave soon.

Ren, The Riddle Queen 7/21/2012 - 2:44 am

I plan on publishing more of my poetry on this site before I go, there are a lot of things I need to accomplish before I stop suffering from personhood, and hopefully I can inspire the same response in others(:

orangish 7/21/2012 - 2:45 am

One less writer will make the world a more boring and less literate place. 🙁

Won’t you stay and help me make it a better place?

Consequently, I’m with AtTheEnd – you have an amazing knack for wordsmithing.

Ren, The Riddle Queen 7/21/2012 - 2:54 am

Thank you for the kind words, they really mean a lot. I don’t know how long I have, like a dandelion caught amidst a storm, my fragile life could end at any time but I hope to accomplish as much as I can to make this a better place for others before my time is up. (:

heartcore 7/21/2012 - 2:56 am

What is “personhood”? And do you have lyrics for it that can be put to music? Seriously, I sometimes listen to a phenomenon called “death metal” because it sounds like I feel. Sometimes. The thing is, by acknowledging the crappiness of existence, I instantly define the happy aspects of life. Without the darkness of night and sleep, we would be blind, burned, and worse… bored.

AtTheEnd 7/21/2012 - 2:59 am

You miss are quite wonderful. Such a wondrous aura that you exhibit. Its quite magical. Just speaking to you has made me feel better. I hope to see more of your writing. I might add that I feel the need to protect the dandelion…

nbarules18 7/21/2012 - 2:59 am

Thats very disturbing its just horrible

nbarules18 7/21/2012 - 3:00 am

How do you think up a poem as terrible as this

orangish 7/21/2012 - 3:01 am

You’re wiccan, right? Do you know that time is an illusion? The shamans of the world agree that it’s a silly western thing designed to enslave the mind to an industrial system that relies on mechanical precision at the expense of natural flow. I tried telling my boss that one time and he wrote me a warning for being late. Grr…

Sorry… having a severely hyperactive night. I don’t at all mean to derail your post. My point is, you’re alive now, and dandelions don’t pluck themselves when there’s a storm. The fragility of life is held in place by it’s resiliency. Life is like a plague to people who hate life… it just won’t go away.

orangish 7/21/2012 - 3:03 am

Also this quasi-punctuationally challenged maladroit named nbarules18 keeps posting on the site. If you see him, just ignore him. He’ll go away.

nbarules18 7/21/2012 - 3:05 am

Why would you write this poems are supposed to be happy this just makes me feel sad

Ren, The Riddle Queen 7/21/2012 - 3:08 am

Personhood is the term John Green, a favorite author of mine, used to describe life in his newest book The Fault in Our Stars, a book that I highly recommend. Alas, I am not as good at writing music as I am at writing poetry, but I’d love if someone adapted my work into a song. I have however written a couple of semi-decent songs. “The existence of broccoli in no way affects the taste of chocolate.” Although the light without darkness would not exist there are some things which I could do without. I agree that happiness is enhanced by the more undesired situations of life but that doesn’t make life any better.

Ren, The Riddle Queen 7/21/2012 - 3:10 am

Thank you, I feel that posting this has been one of the best decisions I’ve made as of late, and your replies have left me feeling more alive than before. (:

nbarules18 7/21/2012 - 3:11 am

They still shouldnt make you sad

WillTickin 7/21/2012 - 3:12 am

Love it.

orangish 7/21/2012 - 3:14 am

There are such thing as sad poems!

Hopefully my hyperactivity has helped a bit… it’s usually more of an annoying thing.

heartcore 7/21/2012 - 3:16 am

🙂

Ren, The Riddle Queen 7/21/2012 - 3:16 am

I’ve tried telling my teachers the same thing but it only worked once, which was great since if it hadn’t I would have had to serve three lunch detentions. “Life is like a plague to people who hate life… it just won’t go away.” I love that, I hope you don’t mind if I use it as a quote on my numerous social website profiles. I don’t necessarily hate life, just the circumstances that have been put in my way. I wish life had a reset button at times.

AtTheEnd 7/21/2012 - 3:17 am

Wait who’s replies? Mine? Haha I’m just fangirling over youn and your writing. If it is me then I’m glad I’ve made you feel more alive.

orangish 7/21/2012 - 3:19 am

I meant more like industrialists… herbicide, pesticides… cursing the existence of stupid unplanned life that keeps coming back… stuff like that. 🙂

And feel free to use it.

How you handle your particular circumstances is what’s important. There is no past, there is no future, just right now.

Ren, The Riddle Queen 7/21/2012 - 3:20 am

Everyone’s replies in general, though “You miss are quite wonderful. Such a wondrous aura that you exhibit.” in particular made me smile, people usually have the opposite reaction to me and my poetry. (:

heartcore 7/21/2012 - 3:20 am

we’re in this together.

nbarules18 7/21/2012 - 3:23 am

Yes there are sad poems but why would you want to be sad

orangish 7/21/2012 - 3:25 am

Because sadness is no less human than happiness?

Ren, The Riddle Queen 7/21/2012 - 3:30 am

@Orangish I don’t particularly agree with you, the past affects our present, though not completely. I wish I could go back in time and change certain things, though sometimes I wonder if that would even change things or if it was just meant to be that way.

@nbarules18 I don’t choose to be sad, just as I think most people don’t wish for it either. It is a natural response to certain events and stimuli.

nbarules18 7/21/2012 - 3:30 am

Yes but isnt happiness better

AtTheEnd 7/21/2012 - 3:30 am

Yay i made someone smile! Well sad poetry has ancertain beautiful truth to it.

orangish 7/21/2012 - 3:39 am

The past is what it is. It’s immutable. It can’t be undone. But you can learn from it and grow – it’s a matter of seeing things for what they are and accepting.

krs 7/21/2012 - 3:59 am

Beautiful. Your poetry is so clear, it made my heart ache to know that another feels as I do, that someone also understands. Wonderful poem.

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