Thanks to SuicideProject, I have been wasting time writing about my problems for the past few hours, rather than cutting myself. Unfortunately I cant be on SP 24/7/365.
Note: I was being sarcastic when I said “seriously”. Everyone knows that doing something OTHER than cutting is good… Even those who do cut.
23 comments
Yea..I’m going with you.
:/ Isn’t that a good thing?
Well I can cut and type so hmmm, doesn’t really matter to me. I’m sure he’s just getting tired of having to explain to people that it’s not nice to call people names.
You definitely weren’t wasting your time. It’s GOOD that you were writing about your problems rather than cutting. Even if you prefer cutting than writing your problems. But it’s in fact, much better than hurting yourself. You don’t deserve that. I hope you stay.
YES it’s a good thing loll….. because it means I didnt cut myself lol… Didn;t you get that part? lol…
Thanks, I honestly thought no one would care or even comment (probably a common thought amongst us people)
@zacurious: Really? Doesnt blood get in your keyboard? I have to use two hands to type efficiently, and with a story that long im just hacking away at the keys…
No, you are right… it isn’t nice to call people names 😛 As I have mentioned before, read my story “Left Behind” and you will see why.
@ktxhbai2u- I hold my phone in one hand and use only one thumb to text/type. And I do lay it down to read and cut.
Errrm…. Thanks for the details… Now I don’t know if I will be able to type without cutting lol… Although its harder to cut and type with an actual keyboard…
You don’t find any sort of shred of temporary relief from typing out what’s locked away in your head?
Ha…hmmm
Yes I do, but I am used to having to watch what I say, so I’m reserved a bit in that sense. I write, but I keep a lot of it to myself for fear of judgement.
I am the same way… My own mother doesnt even know what kind of suicidal thoughts I have… She doesnt even know how often… All because I felt like it would hurt her, in turn hurting me more…
I find it easier to type online because your just typing it… your not saying it to anyone… And being anonymous helps too.
Fear of judgement is something I know really well, I have Social Anxiety…. And it along with my other problems is destroying my life…
I also thought honestly that my own mother would reject me after knowing what goes on in my head.
Well what happened was someone found this site and read everything I wrote and called my family for “help” for me. My family had no clue about anything. I had that fear of judgement with them and now lately it’s like that on here. Anyway, I deleted all my old posts. So I just watch what I post now. Sucks though.
I dont mean to seem like I am taking their side… But shouldn’t you take the help? For me I was in such distress I exploded and I agreed to do whatever it takes to fix it… I even agreed to going back on my meds — although they dont work….
The hell I was and am going through is unbearable, and unless my problem is fixed, its a matter of time before I do something stupid… I would do _anything_ to feel normal…
Looks like I go sleep, GoodNight to everyone, and thanks for comments 🙂 Oh and distraction…
I have social phobia. I think it’s the same as social anxiety. It’s basically what lead me to suicidal thoughts. I’m glad other people can relate but then again, not so much because I know how it can be and it’s just awful. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
Yes, it is just another name for it. you may also hear your psych mention “cluster c personality” basically it means the same thing… Actually it means more than just social phobia, but i forget what other conditions are in the cluster.
Geez, I feel like the only one on this site who hasn’t been to therapy of some sort. Is that a good thing? I hope I’m not keeping you up awake :c
Neither good nor bad… I have been through tons of counselling, it did nothing for me… But at least try it, you could be different. Now Iactully sleep 😛
Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it. Goodnight, now. 😀
@ktxhbai2u- it’s a long story. And I am to the point where I’m hiding everything (read my re-post) and I pushed everyone away. I don’t really have much contact with my dad and sister so I feel like they really should stay put of my problems. I don’t know. I guess I’m just messed up that way. I try up handle everything on my own. I do go talk to a therapist though. Meds too. So it’s not that I’m not trying I just am unsure of what I want. I truly believe that it would not matter if I was gone. So that’s a struggle. To find purpose and reasons to keep doing this shit day in and day out with no gratification.
I know what you mean, I have experienced that every day of my life, and the outlook based on the past is not good for me… All I can say is push til you cant push any more…
I even get anxious around family, it makes me feel bad … I cant visit my mom or dad without feeling anxious, especially when they want to go out to eat… I HATE eating in front of people…
Anyways, here comes my Dad to take me out for lunch… He always picks busy places and wants to talk about problems in public which makes me nervous and anxious and insecure… Wish me luck :-/
@ktxhbai2u-good luck! I have been dealing with panic attacks and anxiety so I know how that feels, not good at all. I do not like going anywhere out of where I normally go. Work and home. Even going to the store is becoming a challenge. Take a deep breath…Let me know how it goes, mmk?
I have my worst times at McDonalds, especially when it is busy, and/or packed with girls. I also have troubles with shopping, even for food… Shopping malls are bad for me too…
I suggested to my dad when he arrived to go anywhere except Mcd’s, because I had it recently (more so because I get anxious the most there). So we decided to change plans and go to my dads place for a swim and bbq 🙂 My younger brother ended up tagging along. It actually was a well needed break. Icouldnt say no, because I have nothing else to do, and he has beer which I havent had in a LONG time… Oh and it was hot today, so the pool helped 🙂
@kthxbai2u That’s good that you got that well needed break. Still, I hope the anxiety wasn’t too bad and you could at least enjoy your beer! Are you feeling any better today?
nope./… look my recent post 🙁 everything sucks balls
Shit got even worse, my recent post(s) explain it all :-/