Oh man… it feels like it’s been so long. These last 2 years have taken everything out of me.. except for my life. I can’t live like this. Not for much longer at least. The days drag on longer and longer. Some days aren’t so bad, but it just keeps coming back. It’s always going to be a part of me. This is who i am now.
I almost got to the point where i didn’t want to jump in front of the bus one day… just that one day. Is it really worth living when you feel like this? You don’t live to be happy.. you just live to make your family happy. Because that’s all you really care about.. but then why is life so sad? What are you honestly supposed to do when you’ve reached this point? There’s no going back. You can look.. you can think about the past.. you can dream about the past. Was the past really that much better? Or maybe you just weren’t aware of how things would be.
I don’t even know where i’m going with this. All i know is that i don’t want to be here anymore. My family is all i have. I don’t want them to know what it’s like on the inside. The only thing they want is for me to be happy.. but all i want is for them to be happy.. so what now?
I just want to disappear. I’m not meant for this world. I don’t know what i’m supposed to do. Move on? To where? It’s all just a mirage…
I need to find my way out