To stay seems selfish

I  stumbled across this site while researching methods of suicide… I decided on Thursday t o kill myself and yesterday was supposed to be  be the day but i chckened out.  I know people say that suicide is selfish and think of your family but for me going on living seems more selfish.  I have been depressed for as long as i can remember and attempted suicide several times. I have been hospitalized  and see a therapist weekly but i am still deeply depressed and still cut daily. My mother thinks that i am crazy and wants me commited. Mostly so i would be out of her hair.  I was an uh oh baby an accident a mistake who she mever wanted. She has her new husband and family and  am simply a reminder of a highschool love that didnt work out.  My dad has just recently come into my life and tries hishis best to love meand be there fr me but he has kids with his new wife… Young ones that need him and he has a chance to be happy and have the family he has always wanted. I am not okay and i dont think i ever will be.  He deserves better than me. I hate that he worries so much about me and i dont want hom to keep worrying like this.  I was never supposed to be here and all i havesone is get in the way or cause pain and stress. Suicide seems logical and th best for everyone if i could just get over the fear and do it. Im doing no good to anyone here