You’re sitting at your desk, and you know it’s time to go. You’ve said that to yourself over a million times, but this time you know, for sure, is real. You’re tired… you’re just so very tired. You’re parents pissed you off, like school wasn’t bad enough today. You go to get the rope, or the knife, or the gun or whatever you choose to use because you’re that desperate. You’re ready. You think of it as some game… the first one dead is the one who wins. No ones home, it’s the perfect time. You’re ready. If you don’t do it, you’re gonna look down on yourself even more forever. You’re just going to hate yourself even more. No one knows, no one will know… until tomorrow. Instead of getting a paper and a pen, you get the video camera out, along with a chair. You’re standing on the chair. You decided to go with the rope… you’re gone instantly and there will be no noise. One side of the rope is tied to the top of your fan and the other is already around your neck. You’re in tears, you know it’s for real this time. You turn on the video camera and just stare at the red light blinking upon your eyes. You start to mumble out a few words. “Mom and dad, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m sorry, but I’m sorry. I can’t do this anymore. Please don’t blame yourself, please. I love you both, and tell my siblings the same. I’ll see you all soon.†You say sorry to your best friend because you know you won’t be there for him anymore when he needs you more than ever. You say sorry to everyone you could think of… even yourself. You’re sorry for not being strong anymore. You’re sorry for breaking down. You’re sorry for putting them through so much pain in their life. You stare, once again, at the red light blinking upon your eyes. One foot is off the chair now as you begin to mouth the word goodbye. You have the remote control to turn off the camera in your hand. You clicked the off button and as soon as you see that light go off, you go off. Both feet are now off the chair… the chair is on the floor… the room is filled with silence. You’re dead. You’re gone. There is no going back. Everything is over. You don’t have to live in pain anymore… but everyone else will. What are your parents going to think? What about your little brother, or little sister? What are they going to do? You’re gone. You’re dead. There is no going back. You ended your life because the person of your dreams only thinks of you as friends. You ended your life because that one teacher was harder on you than anyone else in the class because she knows you’re the only one that is going somewhere in life. Your parents are home. They call your name telling you their home, just like they normally do when they get home…. but something’s different. You don’t answer. They get worried… you always answer. They come upstairs thinking your sleeping or showering. Your mom opens your bedroom door and screams at the top of her lungs. She instantly passes out. Now your little brother comes up after her. He screams “DADDY HELP!!!!†He runs over to you hitting your leg begging you to wake up. “WAKE UP, WAKE UP. PLEASE STOP WAKE UPâ€. But you don’t answer, you’re not waking up. You’re gone. You’re dead. There is no going back. Your dad comes running upstairs and all he could do is stare. He watches his baby girl swing back and forth on a rope.
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4 comments
I know a girl, her dad did it on Father’s Day in the coat closet, using an eye-bolt in the ceiling. All blue and bloated with shit running down his legs, she guesses he got his way on that special day, although it was a complete and horrific surprise to the remaining family of four. He never had been much of a talker but that doesn’t mean he didn’t think a lot…tinkering under his truck in the garage….
I’d like to say he was an asshole, but I wasn’t close enough to honestly say.
I like your line, “You don’t have to live in pain anymore…but everyone else will.” But this is just one more pain added to so many other pains they are already enduring or will be enduring in the future. Life is a painful business. And when you really think about it, every time a young girl kills herself it prevents her from having offspring that will be forced to endure life on this earth. An incredible act of kindness if you ask me.
The key is to concern yourself with your own well being. Too many people have the disease to please, and this is where we go off our path. We are born with the inherent ability to be joyous, love ourselves, and play. We get trained out of this as we grow up and follow the conditioning of the dysfunctional people who brought us up…this is not a judgement, but an awareness we must have. Selfishness with respect to our own well being is fantastic cause if you’re not selfish enough to look after your own thoughts and feelings and well being,…then you have nothing to give yourself or anyone.
Make a choice that provides & allows relief for you. We are meant to be well. Things often work out in the death experience because you reconnect with all that is you in the non-physical. Death does not exist, nor is it an end…but a continuation of your journey. You’re a spirit inhabiting a physical body…to learn, and experience. Remember your Divine nature, or discover it so that you can realize the freedom and choice that has always been yours. Good luck!
Love the line ” Your dad comes running upstairs and all he could do is stare. He watches his baby girl swing back and forth on a rope.”