Hello again –this is my second post and will be my last —this is the last month i will be alive—i can barely walk anymore and being stuck in my appt losing my mind seriously and figuratively.–m.s is a horrible disease-it doesnt kill you persay but for some like me you watch you life die infront of you and your body stops working for you and only provides pain. and you cant even hope to keep your  mind because that goes to–so to me it takes the point away from life when i cannot live it or even remember what has happend what i  did other than the memorys i have managed to keep pre diagnosis .i dont trust that i remember them right because my mind is so screwy now—-just over three years to lose my body and everyone that i hole dear..i wish i had cancer so i would have been automatically been labled a fighter and hopefully i would have had the rallying support of my family instead they have all left me and i have a life sentance –i have been called lazy selfish a hypocondriac —i didnt want this  im 28 i turn 29 aug 19  i had so many dreams that i was just finally feeling strong enough to go after them i had a beautiful fiance a son a future –now all that is gone and im left to sit and watch and im expected to want to stay—pre modern medicine i would have died by now and i would have been remembered for the man i was –now im a shell of who i once was and im alone –i just want to say sorry to all those i have hurt i want to say i love you to everyone that has been in my life and those that were not here in the physical sense i love you too. too my son im soo sorry and i hope one day you can understand       all my life i have searched for signifigance that the path i walk means something .i think some people are not afforded that luxory and your life is just a filler like the extras in a movie –i wish i had a second chance -so the equipment needed is coming together —i have chose the helium method i am no romantic i dont want to hurt anymore and i dont want anyone to be scared by what the find when this is all over Aug 1st is my day well is the day –death is so intense when it is really staring back at you
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I know MS is supposed to be a very debilitating disease and I could not possibly relate to what you’re going through. I hope the other side of death provides you with peace and release from the pain you’re in. Good luck.
I hope you choose otherwise. It seems to be that you are lonely with no one to talk to about your disease. I’m sure you can find MS support locations to meet and talk to people or M forums here online. I hope you look into it.
I don’t know how old your son is. But don’t you want to see him grow up? mature? Become the man every father wants their child to become? See him get married? Have kids?
Even if he isn’t around right now.. or for a while.. When he’s older he’ll understand your disease and be their for you if he isn’t able to now.
If anything feel free to e-mail me. I’m not sure if I can be much help but. Who knows?..
Hang in there Bradley.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with MS. I have seen it first hand and know the awful symptoms it can cause. You sound like a fighter and regardless if anyone shows it, I’m sure they know. You mentioned you had a son, I would think of him whenever you are considering giving up. Every child loves his mother and needs her. Here’s hoping you find a renewed outlook.
No doubt, your suffering is real. I hope it helps, though it may not, to know that others have felt like they were dying a slow death too. Feeling like you’re dying when you’re doing everything to live is horrible. You may be dying, but do you need to end it yourself? Maybe you can say “fuck you!” to God and the Universe and just let it kill you.
DON’T END YOUR LIFE , DON’T GIVE UP , REACH OUT TO ME.
Before you decide to take your life, imagine who will find you. Imagine them walking into a room, and seeing you just hanging there. Whether it be your little sister, little brother, mother father, grandparents, a friend. Imagine what will happen when they find you. No, they will not say “Finally, they’re gone.†No, they will not say “I’m happy they did that.†No, they will not say “I never loved them anyways.†They will die. Their hearts will break. They will hurt, more than you ever could. They will cry, scream, and break down. They’ll believe it’s all just a dream, praying to wake up. Except, they won’t feel that for a few seconds, or a few days, not weeks, nor months. They will feel that until the day they die. Everyday will be hell. They’ll think of you ever second. They’ll hate themselves for not being able to help or save you. They’ll wish they could die too. They’ll want to give up, just to be with you. They won’t be ever be happy again. They won’t smile. They won’t go back to their daily routine. They’ll die every time they walk past your room, or see a picture of you, or think of a memory with you. They’ll think, but stay quiet. They’ll visit your grave, feeling a knife go through their chest every time. And every morning when they wake up, no matter how long it’s been, they’ll wake up to thinking they’ll see you, only to be let down once again. And every night, they will cry themselves to sleep, because even though they refuse to admit it, know you’re gone forever.Before you decide to take your life, think of your family, burying you. Yes, your own mother and father are planning your funeral. It’s supposed to be the other way around, but it’s not. They’ll have to call the cops, sign a death certificate, pick out clothing, buy a tomb stone, a casket, pick out flower arrangements, and more; All for their child’s funeral. The morning of your funeral, everyone who loves you is wearing black. Tears are streaming down their face, while their heart is breaking. Everyone who you thought didn’t need you, or didn’t care, are waiting in line to see you. They aren’t waiting in line at a party, or a graduation, or at a wedding reception. They’re waiting to see you, hands folded, lifeless, in a casket.Before you decide to take your life, think of everyone you will be hurting. Don’t you dare so no one, because absolutely everyone will be affected. Your grandparents, won’t have a grandchild anymore. Your parents, won’t have a child anymore. Your brother or sister, won’t have a sibling anymore. Your pet, won’t have an owner anymore. That person you sit next to in class, won’t feel your presence anymore. Your teacher, won’t have a student anymore. That time your grandparents told you no, will haunt them forever, thinking it is their fault, that you are now dead. That time your parents yelled at you, will haunt them forever, thinking if they didn’t yell at you, you would still be here. That time your sibling said they hated you, will hate themselves, because they believe you would still be alive if they said they loved you instead. Those kids who made you feel bad, will wish they were dead too, because if they just smiled at you instead, you would be here. That teacher that you didn’t meet her expectations, will feel like a failure, because you would still be here, if she believed in you. Everyone, who has ever been in your presence, will hurt, because if they showed you they cared, you would still be here.
Before you decide to take your life, think. Don’t just think of yourself, think of the consequences for everyone else. No one’s life will be the same again. That person who God made specially for you, won’t have you. That happiness that was waiting for you, will never show again. Before you decide to take your life, realize that you may be ending your pain, but you’ll be starting a lifetime of everyone elses.
If you are feeling alone, and think that suicide is the only way out:
My ask is open, and I’m always here. I’ll never judge you. I’ll try to help you.
Talk to me :/ if this makes you feel worse, please email me, im here and i CARE!! your a complete stranger but i care, and i’ve been exactly where you are, reach out to me :3 Please don’t give up hope
– I RECENTLY SAVED A YOUNG 32YR OLD WOMAN on here , and heres her story,
http://suicideproject.org/2012/07/thank-you-alexa/
I can help and im here.. i never left her, and i’ll never leave you, no matter how many times you push me away, i’m always here!
If you live by yourself, or your in a situation where your parents or anyone doesn’t care, I DO. Talk to me
Hello again to start with i should probably say that I’m a man to wonderingsoul and secondly, thanks to everyone. When it comes to my son I am scared to meet him now and scare him he is only 2 this year and and a crippled man smilling telling him to call me daddy is guna freak himout and i dont want him to meet me when hes older because what the disease has already done to me in 3 years i couldnt imagine what it would be like if i waited till he came to meet me when hes an adult. ms doesnt kill you it just takes everything away from you and when u think it couldnt take anymore bam. to be in a chair reliant on others for life and everything that is involved is not the way i want to live my life especially with this pain. at least with cancer ur a fighter and people rally around you –with m.s your lazy there sisters friend has ms and shes fine–im sick and tired of being sick and tired and being treated subhuman because of a disease
im ready to go where ever you go to
I’m sorry for assuming you were a female, my bad! But the same goes for a child and his father, EVERY child wants to know his father, just think about when you were young… He is going to love you REGARDLESS of your physical condition, I can promise you that.