12 and I cant stand it

i am 12 years old. its young to be thinking of this but i cant take it anymore. a month ago, i hadn’t turned in my homework 7 times for summer school and when my mom talked to my teacher about it, my teacher said. “when you go back home, dont yell at her.” she said. “okay” to me it was an obvious lie filled with hate. right when i got into the car she ripped off my favorite necklace (my mistake to wear it that day) and she ripped out my hair tie, pulling bundles of hair with it. then she slapped me 12 times, my glasses broke in the process. she said i was worthless and stupid. then she took me to eat and ordered a lot and forced me to eat all of it in 10 minutes. im not kidding. it made me want to hurl. when we went back into the car she continued to yell at me. she would act all nice in front of her employees and friends but she would tell them how bad of a child i was. then she said i had to get all straight A+’s in regular school and all A’s in my extra classes. i had one year. if i didnt, then i would be kicked out of the house. i only live with my mom. when i was born, my mom and dad were already divorced. my mom sent me to go live with my dad, i was 2 months old, until she called him to take me back. i started living with my mom again and she got re-married. but that dad ran away from my family two years after we moved to a different state. i was 6 back then.

my mom ruined my dream of being what i want to be when i grow up. one day in art class, i gave my art teacher my best anime (japanese animation) and he loved it, he asked my mom if i was going to be a manga artist (japanese comic book creator)when i grew up. and she immediatley said no. but it was what i wanted to be. she said i HAD to be what she wanted me to be. i cried in my room everyday, i would cry every time i was alone. sleeping, in the shower, reading. i only had one friend, she was the best friend i ever met. she would stand up for me, help me through times like these but this was too severe for even her to handle. i was up late one night crying in my bed when i heard my mom talking to my brother on the phone. (he’s in college) she said: i dont know what’s going on in her mind. maybe she has some sort of disorder. she’s so stupid and useless she should just go die!

she took away my ipod and phone and vowed not to give it back until summer was over. she lost them. smart move, mom. every day of summer she forced me to stay up until 3 am doing homework no matter how tired i was. now remember, im 12, i was doing algebra 2. then i would stay up after 3 in my bed crying and she would wake me up at 9 and make me make breakfast ( i didnt really care because i love to cook anyways) i always dreaded mornings because i had to face another fit of angry yells right when i woke up. i could never eat a bite of food because of all the depression and stress i had. i told my mom in hopes that she would listen but she called me a liar.

i had enough. one day when my brother came to visit, i stayed home alone when my mom was at work and since my brother was in town he wanted to go visit his highschool friends. i didnt want to go even though he offered. when he left i cried again and i went to the kitchen and picked up a knife. i had already written a note but right when the blade touched my wrist i heard the garage door open. i shoved the knife back and ran into the bathroom and turned on the shower so my brother couldnt see me cry.

when i was in school last semester (it’s summer currently) i would come home from the bus and go home alone, sometimes my friend would come over. i stayed at home by myself every day and my mom came back from work at 10 or 11. i lived like i didnt have a mom. i cooked for myself. i got up by myself and went to school on my own. knowing that my mom was still in the house.

i started to secretly study about japan, learn japanese, learn how to draw better and it gave me hope that one day i would be successful and a manga artist. i hope that you guys took the time to read this. but i still have problems with my mom. she still yells at me and hits me. so i was wondering if you guys could help. she seems bipolar and since im going through adolescents, its even harder to bear. please help.