My life is the worst. Whatever i do i feel sad. And the thing is that im not supposed to! I have a great family, good grades, going to a high school that is the best in town, i have friends, people sometimes think im interesting and many people would say that i look just like a regular teenager. But… even though i have all that im suicidal. The thing is that i can’t find any joy whatsoever in my life. I hate school, i hate every subject, i hate watching TV, i hate playing games, i hate my friends, i hate all people at my school, i hate my family. I don’t know why, i was just born without any intersets or hobbies. I am genetically (or whatever you say) a boy, ive got a penis and look like a boy etc.. But i feel like a girl, or at least not a boy . I can fall in love with both genders, and im confused… i don’t know what i am, i not quite sure if im a bisexuel transgender or whatever. I hate it, it really bugs me. And there most be something wrong with me cuz every relationship i’ve had ended up me breaking up. When i start a realtionship i want to, though some weeks into it i start getting depressed. I DONT KNOW!!?? FUCK… everytime… i can’t really understand why but i guess it has something to do with my weird strange sexuality… And i don’t want to tell anyone about my sexuality cuz one day im gay and another i’m a lesbian transgender.
This isn’t the worst part (according to me). I most have something wrong in my head. When i see a boy/girl and fall in love whit she/he. I do it for i reason i know now no one likes to hear. Im a freak but here’s the reason… I only fall in love with people who are like me = sad, depressed, lonely doesn’t have so much friends or none. And the reason why i do that (im pathetic) i because they’re vulnerable. I know if i show the slightest intersrest towards them i know they will like me, cuz they’re desperate and don’t care who they’ll end upp with in a relationship.
So am i, can’t really controll who i am falling in love with but it is for that pathetic reason = they’re vulnerable and they will therefore give me attention. And the other reason: I WANT ATTENTION all the time, otherwise im jealous ALL the time! …
And there’s a girl in my school right now who i’ve fallen in love with. AND OFC is she a lonely, sad, depressed girl… A girl that can give me the attention i need. And everytime she speaks or even looks at someone else i feel envy… IM SO jealous… And i can’t stand myself cuz i know no one in this world is like me… A sefish ***** and idiot who is so pathetic that i unconsciously choose the one he needs to fall in love with, in order to get the attention he needs…. FUCK u understand now… i doesn’t love anyone, i love myself, i love the small attention i get every day – otherwise im jealous. And on that i don’t know what i really want in life, when i grow up. All im thinking of is getting famous so i can get more attention… SO much that it will fill my pathetic needs. But ive now realized that i don’t have to grow up.I can end it here… right now… cuz i can’t bear myself.. Being sad everyday because im feeling jealous. My mom and father will miss me though, im sure. Maybe some friend, but that’s just cuz they haven’t seen the real me yet. nor have my parents. I can’t live with myself anymore.
This will be my last week… the last week of my 17 pathetic years as a human. i have it all figured out, when the oppertunity comes next week i’ll trow myself infront of a train. I don’t have any drogs or a gun so i think that’s the best way of doing it…
good bye life… never liked you, or myself.. FUCK   juhfewgouirgf2 im so pathetic,öcdelhgvfo2u4ihf
1 comment
I would suggest to hold on a little longer, you are too young.
At least do not use the train method. You will force somebody to kill you, against his will and maybe making his life miserable because of this. Or even kill somebody on board, usually when derailment occurs.