Nobody in my town or my age seem to understand the idea that their actions effect other people as well. It has been a year and a half since I attempted suicide, yet nothing has gotten better. My final year in high school was complete hell. I was tormented by a group of girls who used to be my best friends. Day after day they told me how no one likes me or wants me around. They repeatedly shouted names down the hallway at me or spread rumors about me being pregnant. This summer they have peanut-buttered/egged/balognied my car twice. Then, try countless times to hookup with my boyfriend and never let me forget the fact that “he wants them, not me, because they’re so much prettier than me.” My boyfriend has been lying to me non stop and been hanging around the same girls who have done everything in their power to hurt me. I am left with absolutely no one. I have no friends, no honest and honorable relationships, and no self-pride. I care about all of these people who have hurt me so much that its gotten to a point of where I’m back to contemplating suicide. I fully believe that if I took my own life, people would wake up and realize the effect their actions have on everyone else. I could prevent any other girl from having to be the victim of the humiliating bullying and make my boyfriend realize how much he’s capable of becoming. If all of these people took the energy they use for hurting others or partying and directed it towards good in the world, can you imagine the endless possibilities?! I’m not good for anything else in this world other than teaching all of these people a lesson. I want to follow through with this so badly that i’ve already warned my boyfriend and made plans. I could change the world by taking my own life.
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You should go to college and become successful in your career. That way when you’re 25, they’ll still be doing nothing goin nowhere, while you’re sky high on top of the world. And then rub that in their faces at the reunion, of course.
That’s what i plan on doing. except i don’t think I’ll ever get over thinking about ending my life. All i can think about is how much better everyone would be without me. It’ll never go away.
If you really wanted to die, you’d be dead already… You wouldn’t be here seeking help/advice. I think the fact you are here and sharing is a powerful indicator that you are on the right path to recovery/happiness. Can I ask you what degree you plan on going for in college?
I think people are just starting to realize how hard it is to be a teenage girl. Girls are so mean! And not the way boys are..it would almost be better to get beat up once and have everything dropped then have to go through the day in day out emotional/mental trauma girls can put you through. Dont end your life over these bitches..sure they will finally feel bad but you wont even be there to see it. Like Johnny said the BEST way to teach them is to just go on and be super successful it will drive them crazy! These girls are not your friends…fuck them and everything about them, they suck! Once you arent around to be there punching bag they will turn on each other and never know what its like to have real friendships. And your b.f is a douche getting involved in the girl drama…letting the other girls play him like a pawn..against you..hes stupid and just likes the attention..dump him, the girls wont even want him anymore after you dont want him.
Johnny i agree, its not that i want to die…i feel like i need to. That not only would people learn a lesson, but that they wouldn’t take each other for granted and honestly i don’t believe anyone would miss me anyways. All i want to do is help people. I’m majoring in social work. it’s been my dream for years to help.
butterflyfly i know i don’t think anyone really understands how difficult it is as a high school girl now. i would trade getting the shit beat out of my ANYDAY over having their words constantly running through my head. & ik that its just words and that i should just ignore it, but its not that easy. when they take something so personal about me and use it against me, it hurts like hell. i live in a small town and now, thanks to these girls, absolutely everybody knows about the method i chose a year ago…i’ve become the butt of all of everyone’s jokes. As much as i hate them and all of the things they’ve done, i want to help them and every other girl that they torment. i don’t know how else to do it other than by ending my life. yea ik that my boyfriend is, but its hard to let go. I have no one else other than him. and as much as he hurts me, i care about him a lot and he’s always telling me how much he needs me. I was left by two people when i first attempted suicide, and i refuse to leave anyone no matter who they are if they’re in that position. I’ve tried breaking up with him multiple times but he tells me that he no longer wants to live then and that he’s going to go crash his car…that he’s nothing without me.
Okay, let’s pretend your death would benefit a couple dozen??? people or so to really check themselves in the mirror and change their ways. Minus your death, that would be really great if people could change like that, right? NOW… Let’s say you finish college, and help THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE through out your lifetime… You tell me which would be better? Social work… I might have to look into that myself, lol.
I for sure feel for you hun..I really do. Id hate to see you throw your life away over this..I know you want to change the girls perspective and teach them how there actions have effects on people, to the point of someone killing themself. But the truth is its all over the news these days..about girls and even boys commiting suicide because they have been bullied to the point of death..and its just now slowly becomming something that people are paying attention to.
I have a lady I work with in her mid 40s who still participates in this type of behavior. But I tell you what she looks so stupid..and karma does exist..and it will bite her and these girls in the ass one day. I know its hard to walk around with your head up all the time when these people are always trying to pull you down. But this is YOUR life and you deserve to be able to live it.
Are you stuck in this town? If you could get out to go to school somewhere..or join the army.. or anything like that? If you could get yourself out of the environment, i think it would help. Small towns are terrrrrrible!
i just feel like it would have a bigger impact, having a life lost rather than working years to get a degree. it’ll be too late to save the people i love now. but i know where you’re coming from, i guess i could save more lives alive rather than dead. thank you. & i encourage you to! social work is honestly the only thing keeping me going! its a great field (:
I’m just so sick of being a victim and watching so many other people be victimized by these girls. Myself, 2 other students, and all of our parents have contacted the administrators at the school multiple times…they say they can’t do anything until they whiteness it themselves. I’m so fed up with everyone’s lack of caring. I know, i just don’t feel like its enough & i feel like it’s my job to do something. I really hope that it becomes an extremely publicly known issue, it needs to be taken care of. i graduated high school a year early just to escape the torment and now i feel guilty for leaving all of the other people there still with them.
that makes me so sad, to know that even out of high school there are still people like that. But luckily, because of that ladies age, she looks like an idiot instead of “cool”. thanks so much for talking to me!!!! it helps me soooo much you have no idea.
yea i leave for college in about a month…it just seems like so long. i don’t know if i can make it that long.
*hugs* if you ever need to talk just email me.
Success is the best revenge.
Can I just add my own maxim, hopeless…’living well is the best revenge’. I’ve been bullied myself, in adult life and as a child, and butterfly is right about girls (and women unfortunately), they can be cruel in such an underhand, manipulative way. You cannot let these b****s get to you Hopeless! Don’t let them win. Small towns ARE horrific. I couldn’t wait to get out of mine when I reached 18. I moved to Paris, then London. People are more open-minded here.
Doing a degree in social work is a great idea. You are evidently fired by the passion to help people, and the bullying experience could only encourage and inform the support you will give others…You make me better understand my 16 year old son’s school refusal. High schools these days are a war zone! I wouldn’t go back to that for all the tea in China. Adult life is easier in some ways. You at least have more choices.
Those girls sound jealous and thoroughly nasty. You must be quite a strong person if your bf needs you so much, or maybe it’s just that he is weak. Not everyone has the moral fibre to stand up to bullies, Hopeless.
And Hopeless? You are not!
Lots love, Zx
These girls are full of ego. They spread their negativity in efforts to lower your positivity. They are simply jealous and uncomfortable with themselves that criticizing you makes them feel a little bit powerfull when they are becoming more weak. Who is going to go further one who criticizes others for doing no harm and causing harm themselves. Or someone who is confident no matter what judgment is brought upon. It took me awhile to learn myself as i once had an over controlled ego. I could simply say that criticized people myself. This is life and every spirit is no superior then the next. We are all equal. The more good you spread the more positivity will fall in place. You are still young and have so much to learn. Life isnt about ending. It’s about continuing. Continue to do good and be happy. All that matters is yourself. Do you have a hobby? Continue what you do best. Find new hobbies. Try to do more for yourself instead of worrying about others. Yes, this might sound selfish although if you are not happy with yourself then the message you are sending is not going to be a positive one. Let these people learn from their own mistakes. Have you ever tried meditation? Also i suggest and request so dominatly that medical marijuana will change your life. I suffer from depression and have had suicidal thoughts. When I consume marijuana my lonesome goes away and i feel very comfortable and enlightent. Your chemicals are unbalanced causing you to feel this way. Please take the time and find the right path because i cant express enough how important life is. This will be a huge learning step that you will one day look back on and realize how far you have become. Life is so beautiful and i hope you can take any advise that i share. My heart goes out to you. Much blessings and endless love.
Kaya : )
it’s also hard for teenage guys such as myself who really want to end their lives but people like putting pressure on you about how much of impact you’ll make on “their’ lives not even caring about your life because it’s the one at stake but people are so selfish and blind to see that. if someone has their mind set to something then try to be a good friend and not talk them out of it but just hope that their minds will change because talking to someone about how much you “love” them as a “friend” isn’t going to change anything on their mind especially suicide and i have Aspergers so don’t expect me to know how you feel
sincerely,
a nobody