I Hate This World, I Love This World!?

Life is just luck of the draw
I wish I was luckier. Life has been going down hill for such a long time, and honestly I’m not sure I can endure.
I’m growing so tired, even my health is declining. I feel so sick, and I’m only 18
Life doesn’t seem to hopeful, and its not just because I’m young,
everything in this world is controlled by might, by power, and I, have no power
Sure, everything is in the mind, illusion and manipulation, but honestly I’m so tired
This world is full of the mindless, the uncaring and ignorant
So many horrible things are going on in the world, and not just the cliche stuff
I would call the world beautiful, but honestly, its more beautiful for some than others
My lot in life, I don’t want it, I don’t want it, I never did, and I can honestly say I wish I was never born
Existence doesn’t make sense, this world doesn’t make sense, what is it anyway?
Can any of you answer that question? What IS existence? Where exactly are we?
A planet? A galaxy? A universe? Where is this universe? What lies beyond it? Is this all there is?
Mostly empty, full of darkness,with dots of light. Honestly it boggles my mind.
Life is short, brief and harsh, well, for the unlucky ones.
And it honestly seems so insane, this thing we call existence. I don’t really want to be here
life is simply too hard, it asks too much of you, you have to sacrifice and loose so much of yourself just to live
It hurts, it hurts, my god it hurts. Speaking of which, I don’t believe there is a god, but I don’t believe in emptiness either, I’m sure there is a world beyond this one, one where all the insanity makes sense something like an afterlife, something like a soul, surely our reality isn’t so simple, surely it isn’t so incredibly dull and boring?
We live in a rotten world, and it hurts knowing how happy and lucky some are, born with everything, not just wealth, but the other important things, ah, its all a damn joke isn’t it? You get the goods, or you don’t its all so fucking laughable, honestly, I’m amused. My sanity was warped a long time ago, I’ve learned to thrive in the darkness, to laugh with the pain, to genuinely feel this twisted melancholy sense of happiness
I hate this world, I hate humans, I hate it, I love this world, I love humans, I’m torn between to sides of this cruel joke called life, honestly sometimes I don’t know what to do, one of these days I might just kick the bucket, but who knows, I’m not sure how much longer I’ll last. I’m not really sure. Maybe I’ll find a way to defy the gods, to remake this reality full of darkness, and share that light with everyone, I doubt I can win, I guess time will tell.

– R