My name is Brittnee and I am 20 years old! I have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and sentenced to a life of medication and therapist analyzing my every thought and move! I have been a cutter for 6 years and after my recent suicide attempt my parents made me move back home and my mother does a ~fresh cut check~ every single night. That’s where I have to go into her room and strip down to my bra and panties and she checks my body for new cuts! It’s humiliating. If I do have new cuts I am taken to the behavioral health clinic the next day! I have spent more time in a mental hospital than I have in my own home. My first stay was when I was 12 which is the first time I cut my wrists. I have been hospitalized 13 times and every time all they do is give me more medicine and turn me into a zombie. I have a little girl Laycie who just turned 4 months old and my parents will not leave me alone with her I mean ever. They babysit me while I hold my own daughter. I know they are trying to help me and I appreciate it but I feel smothered and that makes me want to cut more and hurt myself. I feel like with my new medication I am doing better and that getting out on my own will help me more! They say that they will never allow me to take my daughter with me. I have custody of her and have been to see a lawyer who says as long as I can comply with my medication and go to my weekly therapist appointments that he sees no reason for Laycie to be removed from my care. Am I stupid for wanting to leave my parents home? I am well aware of my issues but I am being slowly suffocated to death. I’m afraid if I stay and they keep making me feel like I am insane and incapable of raising my daughter that I will just go ahead and kill myself and I don’t want to do that to the people I love especially not to Laycie.
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5 comments
Unfortunately your parents don’t trust you anymore and they may think that anytime you can relapse your old behavior. It’s very sad.
I know that mom’s love if very strong and you might never hurt your daughter. I advice you to talk with your parents a lot and you must show them you changed. You need to be convincing not with just words, but with proofs.
If I were you I’d have no idea what I was supposed to do…
Hi Brittnee! Sounds like a really tough situation I’m sorry…. Do you have any other relatives you can stay with that know your situation and could help without being so suffocating? Maybe for just a little while like a step by step process…. You could get out of your parents house and still have some accountability for yourself while you get on your feet. Somebody who would let you be the mother to your daughter and still help you in recovery
Man I feel bad for you
You may benefit from creating your own advocacy group.
A group of people/professionals whose job it is to help you out with you being the center of the focus, not your parents.
BPD is not a life sentence and certainly doesn’t mean you can’t raise your child.
Good luck!
Sounds like you’ve had a very difficult start in life indeed…It’s perfectly understandable that you want to leave and go out on your own. You are at an age where you should be gaining independence and learning to cope on your own. Having BPD is NOT the end of the world. It’s amenable to treatment and therapy and you can even grow out of it as I understand it.
Better communication is needed if you are going to get your parents off your back. Maybe family therapy would help? Whatever you decide to do I think you will have to be proactive on this one… I wish you the best. Zx