Just another story…

For the past ten years i have been struggling with depression. i don’t know when the suicidal thoughts began… i felt so alone like no one could understand what i felt the way i felt it. i could not tell anyone how i felt up until two or three years ago. and even then, nothing changed for the better for me. i always wanted everything bad to stop. all the yelling, all the drinking and drugs… everything gone. i hated the way that everyone seemed oblivious to the pain i felt and it seemed like they didn’t care enough about me to even stop and realize that there was something wrong. my depression did more than change my mental state… it changed the way i looked. i ate too much, all the time… all i wanted to do was eat. i gained weight fast and people made fun of me for it. i got angry at them and i took it out on myself. i wanted so bad to find something to make me feel better… but i could never find anything that made all my worthlessness go away. i still haven’t found anything to help… i’m still struggling as are so many other people… but i know that there will be a day when i will be happy and i will never have to worry about what am i going to think about today that i might do that will harm myself or someone else? i don’t know when that day will come but i hope it comes someday soon because i’m tired of feeling sad, angry, anxious, hopeless and worthless everyday of my life. i am tired of wishing that with one move i could take all my pain away forever and never have to feel bad again.