Last night i wished i wouldn’t wake up

yesterday i set out with my bestfriend for her graduation party hungout with all of our close friends… night time came and i went to a party where i hoped id be meeting my boy, i was already mad at him for not getting ahold of me for a week and i find out hes with his two boys and 3 girls = instamadness. anyways he gets there to the party and im already a cup down of jungle juice we kinda talk nothing big… i decide to go pull him aside so we can talk he says no i dont feel like (looking at me who is obviously upset trying to hold back tears) i go off crying sitting by myself. i decide to go make him talk to me (crazy that i had to make him come talk and make things better) well it didnt get better hes going on about how he is drunk and doesnt wanna talk til hes sober yelling at me for not doing that. well how am i supposed to do that when he doesnt pick up a phone to tell me hes not ignoring my texts and i shouldnt be worrying. no im in the wrong. i hit him. for the first time i put my hands on the one person i love with my entire heart. the rest of the night consisted of my crying and drinking and drinking and crying. his friend hes known for years is yelling at me telling me how stupid i am and how hes told me soooo many times hes no good for me making me feel even worse… i got home and wished my heart out that i wouldnt wake up i didnt wanna face the heart break and silent treatment another day. today i woke up and felt like shit with a hangover of course with my 100 lb body. silent treatment, heart break stuck in a house full of people i dont really give a damn about… and now i kinda wish i had the balls to do it, to make myself never wake up. i try sooo hard to separate logic annd my emotions but fuck its sooo hard idk how my boy does it.. he seems so strong but i know better than that… i know hes hurting too