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Losing faith

by mashthemesong

So my last post was about my last remaining friends nearly leaving me.

Last week, on Wednesday, I guess they made the decision to abandon me completely.

I was going to go out with a bunch of their friends. It was going to be a very, very good thing for me. My life was finally looking up, and I was actually going to talk to one of them about my suicidal tendencies. I was going to make a conscious effort to try and drag my self out of this hole, and I might have actually managed it given time.

And then I got a text.

“Sorry, they don’t want you there.”
It would probably be best to explain that this was a group of people who I had fallen out with, and one of them is currently dating one of my closest friends.

I got the text, and in that moment my vision of forgiveness and happiness faded, and was replaced by one thing: melancholy.

I gathered my things and I put my coat on. I sent a text to a friend explaining my choice. In an alternate universe, he might have understood the text.

I walked to a busy road and waited for a bus to come by.

One did, and I took three steps forward into what I presumed would be my death.

The bus swerved and almost collided with another car. I almost caused someone severe imjury because of my ridiculously fluctuating mental state.

The thing that scares me the most is that I didn’t attempt again because I didn’t want someone to be injured, not because I actually wanted to survive.

Next time I try, I will make sure that I can do so in a way that won’t harm anybody.

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1 comment

caucajun 8/10/2012 - 7:41 pm

Death even getting hit by a bus isn’t a certain thing, I saw a real video of two twin sisters both run into a hwy in England. Bothe were hit, one was run over by a large delivery truck, both sisters survived. They were both in their late 20’s early thirties, both had major injuries yet lived.

So dont assume you will die by getting hit by a bus.

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