I can’t do it anymore. Or can I? Even my own brain can’t decide what it wants  anymore. I use to be happy, I used to enjoy life but not it seems that that enjoyment is more and more fleeting. I seem to have about 1 good day in life every month, but even that seems to be becoming a struggle. Everything I had in life I lost, everything that was good and worth living for was lost. The only man who I have ever loved broke up with me for someone else, I lost my job due to a serious knee injury whilst playing rugby which also cut down on me from being able to play anymore and all my ‘friends’ cut all ties to me. I lost all my family as well due to my ‘choice’ of sexuality. I’m slowly running out of money due to lack of job and pretty much need to decide whether I want to eat or have a roof over my head. I really don have anything left keeping me here I don’t even know why I’m writing this either I’m honest
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I know exactly what you mean.
I don’t know about you, but my “friends” never seemed like friends at all. Kind of like I was outside the group and they were putting up with me. All I ever wanted in this world was a few close people, where we can all understand each other and support each other and help with each other with our problems. Is it like that with you?
I would like it if you write me back and tell me more about yourself. I am a very good listener and can be understanding,
It is like that with me yes, I just wish I had at least 1 person to listen to my problems. When I did have ‘friends’ it’s always seemed to be me being the one who listened and whenever I tried to discuss anything I was ignored and unheard.
What would you like to know about me?
@britainneedsyou: You totally just described the relationship I had with my ex best friend and friends. I’d listen and help, but the minute I would say anything…it was “oh well I gotta go, talk to ya later bye.” I was always the “helper, listener” always going out of my way, but I guess they forgot that I too needed that. So I just stopped talking to everyone. I do not have any friends because of that. I actually feel better that I’m not in all that drama although I would like someone to share my problems with.
@Zacurious I know what you mean, it was all take take take from them with me and whenever I needed them they were nowhere to be found. I suppose I’m probably best off without them but really would like somebody to talk to and discuss things with, and to try and help
@Britainneedsyou Exactly. I guess I never found a “real” friend. You might be better off without them, but it still hurts. And it’s very lonely to not have someone to talk to and discuss your problems with…and to also feel needed by someone in the same capacity.
I had a close friend where I was almost always the listener/helper. She turned out to be duplicitous and turned really nasty on me. It broke my heart at the time cos she was so important to me, I thought she was the best friend I had. Since then I don’t have such intense friendships. I’ve a few people I see from time to time. I’m still mostly ‘the listener’ with some of them…and don’t feel able to talk about my stuff much. So I can relate Britainneedsyou and Zacurious. Zx
I just want someone I can talk to and listen to, I’m sick of having to bottle up all my feelings and feeling alone. I keep telling myself that being alone and having nobody means I won’t be hurt or disappointed but that’s just a blatant lie