People say you feel better if you tell someone about you ‘problems’.
After posting on here for the first time and seeing the couple supportful replies, that felt good and stuff…
The beginning of this story would be that The devil is back again and she hurt me this morning, as so arrived at school, I made the mistake of letting a f ew tears drop, there were just too many to hold. My friends,I’m gonna use their first letters of their names, J came over and started doing the whole comforting thing, asking me what was wrong I knew she didn’t know what was actually happening, she kept saying not too worry etc.
Anyways, after J was there for a while N came and started the whole “its okay”.. rah rah rah thing . Then Iz came, she’s the one I told the thing about the devil, and she understood… Anyways that all happened and then I slowly stopped crying and was just silent, for most of first and second period.
Then morning tea…..
I told them, almost everything. Except that I have tried to die. N kind of understands, her sister was like me, but now she’s better, so N promised me I would get better too….
They all acted like nothing happened, that I asked them too, I’m really proud of them. I’m glad I can trust them. Now the only one a have to deal with is A. Her older sister saw me crying at morning tea…. She might tell A I think. Oh well I don’t think she knew why I was crying. But yeah, A is the one I think is like me…. We kind of talk over the subject and stuff and this may sound bad of my to do… But I was making a note in her phone and, I swear this was accidental, I clicked a lot of times on the app because it took ages to load, and clicked on the most recent note…. It said “sometimes I feel happy and okay but other times I just want to stab a knife through my chest.” And yeah.. I want to tell her. I really do. But I don’t want too many people knowing… I know they wouldn’t tell intentionally, but they might let it slip in a conversation and stuff…..
Anyways the point is, I told my friends and I feel no different. I feel more paranoid if anything…. I know that is really highly likely that they would never tell anyone but theres always that one slip up that could happen.. but Idk I’m just fighting with myself.. but i guess everyone will know this time next year anyways…
3 comments
i read your first post i always found that people in person and friends dont understand or see the reasons the same way i do ?? got confused i mean that they dont see that were not okay that we say things searching for extreme help instead they just think its something small that just bothers us a bit Thats why i usually go online to places anywhere they seem to get it more speacially this site I would advice to not end yo life at any moment or not even cut yoself and do anyharm but what am i to say i do it sometimes and well i dont know what emotional stress you going through I say you should stop harming yoself you are only 13 you said and you do have alot to go through like fun times with alcohol ha the good parts of relationships (dont advise it but drugs are cool but addictive also alcohol it helps in down moments though) freedom
it helps me when i think thers people that have it worse somewher sucks to but helps
yoh, i’ve also read your other post…got my email? You situation sounds really confusing, and i’m starting to realize more how you feel, im a bit like u. i’m not sucidal, knowing tht throwing away your life would be a waste for the people who rasied and cared for you, but you should feel lucky that you have friends you can talk to you about this. its gud for people to be at your side.
Yeah, I guess I do have some things to live for… But I don’t really think they’re worth waiting… I know 13 is an extremely young age, people say I’m throwing my life away and such, but I’m not a very strong person, i can’t deal with the things that I have to come ‘home’ to everyday. I stay in the city until around 6:30 at night my parents don’t give a shit that I could potentially get raped, they say that its stupid of me to stay out that late because I then I have to get picked up from the bus stop at an inconvenient time for them, which would be 7pm… Then there’s the other bigger shit that happenes and I know some people say, it will get better.. WHEN? When I’m eighteen? And able to move out? I cant wait 5 years… I am trying to stop self harming, I truley am, but its hard without it, I’m not emotionally strong, even though I act it at school… The devils just get the better of my emotions sometimes…