I strangled myself today.  I made the mistake of doing this whilst standing up. When I got unsteady on my feet, I let go. I didn’t get as far as to make it to unconciousness, but I did feel a little dizzy for a few minutes afterwards.
Next time I’ll try and get myself to unconciousness. Perhaps I’ll sit down. Or maybe I’ll tie the other end of the cord up on something that won’t move, thus freeing up both hands to operate the other side thus increasing my strangulation strength.   The main reason I want to get to unconsciousness is that I want to get some sort of idea of how my last few minutes might feel. If I can get close enough to see the door to the other side, this might help me make a decision as to whether or not I will find my answers over there.
6 comments
Now I feel bad for wondering why you didn’t email me.
I’m sorry, Silentblue. I have been busy at work recently. That had masked my feelings. Now it’s the weekend and I’ve had a little time to myself, all my feelings have flooded back. I’m really glad to see you’re still with us.
yeah.. read my post lol. you got funny timing.
testing the waters is a perfect title. I get what you trying to do as well. there a better chance that you injure yourself which worries me more than death part as crazy as that sounds. imagine you mess something up with blood going to your brain, and cause a problem you wish you avoid, When i was first taken to hospital I was talk to by a nurse about failed attempts, I made list of things not to try.
I’m going to wish you safety as much as possible. as weird as that sounds.
I must admit that I’m a little concerned that I might be too successful at temporary unconciousness but not successful enough to finish the job, and thus end up with some form of permanent damage and no way to finish what I started. Perhaps I need to continue with my experimentation somewhere else other than home? I know I really don’t want those I live with to be the first to find me; I would prefer to be found by a stranger with news of my death and/or permanent damage being relayed to those I live with via an independent third party.
I’m sorry, I too wish for a land of dreams where I could escape this world, leave my body and find all my answers, but I’m afraid that no matter where we go, there we are. The pain we try to escape before our time comes with us, at least from accounts of those suicides who have been there and returned. Just google “suicide near death experience”, it’s mostly what is keeping me here at the moment. Know what you’re getting yourself into before you do.