This is the first time I have ever told anyone I have been contemplating suicide. Most people would say I have a good life, which I do agree, but I can’t find the motivation to want to help myself. I’m 21 and a college student with a criminal record already and have a family that I have secluded myself from. I want to write out my whole life story but I honestly don’t even care enough to do that. I just know that have suicidal thought on a daily basis isn’t normal. I know I have severe depression problems cause my mom has been diagnosed as a manic depressive since I was a little girl. I used to be addicted to Xanax but found the will so quit somehow but now all I can think is why should I try? Why have we all made life so difficult for ourself? If only I could see the positive side of things I wouldnt be here ranting on about how I want to die. Also my boyfriend/ex, i don’t even know anymore, isn’t helping. I want to change but I can’t find the strength to. I have no friends, I am the fuck up of my family, and even my dog doesn’t love me as much as them. And the worst part of it all is that I’m too much of a ***** to kill myself. Why oh why can’t I do it?