So in the last month I’ve tried to commit suicide three times and have been in the hospital twice. I admitted myself and was there for 72 hrs the first time which didn’t help at all.. the second time they really tried to help and it did for a day or so. They diagnoised me as being Borderline Personality Disorder and honestly I can really see that in myself but now that I’ve studied it and see what I really am it brings me down even more. And I’ve hid all these deep feelings even the thought of being suicidal for over 15 yrs but now everyone knows. And I have gained a support team. But you see the issue is now that everyone knows this… I’m embarressed and I’m scared people are thinking I want attention and am afraid of what people are saying about me. I just want everyone to go and never talk to me again. I’m sick of dealing with people already and I want them to leave me alone. I just wanna die, rot in hell because that is what I deserve. Am I wrong for the way I feel???
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4 comments
Not at all! I completely get every single word you said. but if you think you belong in hell you probably don’t. its never good to feel that bad about yourself especially not to kill yourself, but if you can just try to use that as motivation to get better with yourself. seriously if you know where you come from just ignore everyone thats not on your side
That’s just it… I have so many on my side but want nothing to do with them because I’m embarressed. I don’t want them to have to deal with me because I don’t want to deal with myself. I just want to die… just wish I didn’t have to commit suicide to do it. I dunno… I can barely think straight anymore. I the my life… myself… and everyone in my life! Ughhh
And I think we all are embarassed when we first let other people know we have a problem, especially one as big as being suicidal, but as you talk more about it the embarassment will start to become easier to get past. After I told that one person I was suicidal, I eventually found I was able to talk to more people about it. I used to have a wall between the real me and the world, but i eventually found the strength to tear it down with help from the people around me. and now that i am myself %100 of the time, I am no longer suicidal. And now i, Alexander D. Hughes, am talking to you with my actual name connected to my account not bothered in the least that someone will find out i used to be suicidal.
I wish it was that easy… I just had sumone tell me I’m looking for attention… I can’t take much more of this bs! I’m honestly about done with it all!