Back here again!

well Im  back here again , battled my way out of my last suicide crisis succesfully for a while but have been plunged back down again. Im a singer and that has been my hope for a long time but a couple of months ago I got problems in my voice and its been husky since. I just cant bare being a 34 year old man , handsome I would say, with no life, no woman and no opportunties, It really sucks! I feel so cheated and let down by the world, why cant it just be easy to get something from this world? I changed pretty much the core of my being after my last suicide crisis (I was in an even worse state then) and then  losing my voice just smashed me off track because I am on the sick  and have nothing really to live for apart from my singing. Everyone else in my town seems to fly through life it seems to me and all ive ever done is suffered loss and lived a life of pain. Ive spent a part of today on a dating site and i guess thats had an impact, negatively ofcourse, datings always negative for a guy unless you’re extremely lucky or have a flashy career  or are in a really great mood, that really p*sses me off, mens value is at rock bottom, it seems that by default your just nothing, women have all the opportunites and we have none! I can look at a girl and just by her looks alone want her in my life or just be ok with being friends, whatever, but there too busy like most people being fullfilled to be bothered about me and im to busy fighting  my way through life , going up and then being hacked back down again by just the very thing needed to destroy my life. All I want is to get some kind of life to tide me along,  Im sick of living with nothing I just cant do it anymore