Her story (hosptial)

Her story

Why wont he just come over. I thought in my head. WHY! WHY! WHY! The blood that keep dripping from my arm wouldn’t stop. In the back ground the song Easy by Rascal Flatts was on. I looked at the clock and seen it was 10 o’clock. I dropped to the groundn and started pulling on my hair, screaming and balling my eyes out. I am curled up into a ball not being able to move..

 

“I hate you!”

“ I know I’m sorry.”

“You don’t know mom! You are putting me in her just like a animal!”

“I’m trying to help you!”

Then the door slammed open. They toke me back into were I would be staying for the next week of my life. Their were kids there, staring at me. When I looked at them I had no feelings at all. I just looked at them in disgust. Thinking what the hell our you looking at.

 

Then nurse toke me into my room and made me strip so she could make sure there were no sharp objects on me. I got check to the point where she opened my mouth just in case. The reason for this is my suicide plain and I’m a self injury. So to keep me and others safe they had to do this to me.

 

I walked out in to the room with all the kids. Looking at them like seriously whats your deals. Then I was rushed with questions. Them asking me why I was here,what I do. An I started looking at them and said I wanna cut my guts out of my stomach and kill my self, I have a eating disorder, I hear things, and I cut my self; that’s why I’m here. It shut them up pretty fast. I remember all their faces amazed that a girl could wanna do so much damage to her self and have no feelings at all towards it.

 

The rest of the day turned out to be me eating dinner, then going to get looked at by the doctors; being put on medication. An trying to get a hold of my best friend. Then it hit 9 o’clock and it was time for bed. Day one I marked on the wall.

 

“I love you!”

I couldn’t believe he met it, we were driving to the gravel pits at about 9 o’clock at night. My face lite up like the glowing sun. Amazed at how perfect the moment was, how much I didn’t want it to end. We got there and all I could think about was how perfect he was. His eyes blue, blonde hair, tall,PERFECT!. When we got there we talked, then suddenly he turned the music up and got out of the car and asked me to dance. It felt like I was in heaven.

 

I woke up crying, the dream of him again liking me like that. The worst part of crying in your dreams is when someone wakes you up. The nurse touched me and looked at me with a needle to take my blood. Day two was started, how much I hated not being home with him or hearing from him. He is my best friend and I felt like I let him down…

 

The nurse walked into my room again with a question that made me feel so damn stupid that I didn’t even understand.

“Do you know where you our?”she asked.

“Yes forest view hospital.” I said, looking at her like are you serous. I’m not messed up on drugs kid that comes in here.

Then nurse then walked out with a blank stare. My room mate turned over and looked at me “morning”she said. I just looked at her, and then got up. I walked to the front desk and asked if I could have some shampoo and conditioner. But they were all out of conditioner, so I grabbed the shampoo and walked back into my room to take a shower. I got into the shower and it turns out this shower only lasted five minutes and did not get hot just in case u might burn your self.

 

After me getting ready, and trying to look half way good. I walked out to see this new girl. Bre she was a 8^th grader at the time at forest hills. She looked so scared when everyone started walking out and asking her questions; like they did to me the day before. So when we sat down for group I sat right by her and told her I have your back. So from their on we were best friends even today we our very close.

 

When we can back from breakfast is when I started acting a little bit more nice to people. I opened up and was able to meet some really great friends. An some of those people I still talk to. The second day was more me just meeting people and getting used to everything. One thing the second day that upset me was the fact that I had to have my bathroom door locked due to the fact I used to make self throw up all my meals.

 

That night sense I was good I was able to stay up late. But thats when I seen the girl who has been tranquilized every night due to her wanting to leave. She seemed nice in person but when she got mad their was know stopping her. So I made sure I stayed clear of that. After we all got done being sent to the main room that night to make sure are safety was okay. Due to the girl getting up set and almost killing someone. They finally let us go to bed, my room mate and I just talked for half the night. Could you believe a 7^th grade girl self injuring her self so much she wasn’t allowed to wear short selves? Well I met that girl, and she is an amazing person that has been hurt very bad.

 

Third day, I woke up with out any dreams, nothing to cry about other then the fact that it was about 6:30 in the morning. Usually on Saturdays you would be sleeping in, going to the mall etc. I was the one who had group meetings all day, one of the group meetings that day was asking us what we wanted to do when we where older. I learned that day that I want to be a motivational speaker. I wanna speak and start groups for kids like me or with more of a hard time then me. That group was probably the only group meeting I toke something from.

 

After dinner that day we got to go to the gym. Probably the most fun i’ve ever had in gym; we played volleyball and basketball. Bre and I dominated in volleyball to the point were they needed everyone else on the other team. Basketball wasn’t my strong point, I didn’t do good but my friend Chris loved the sport. To make it even better when he tried to jump he looked like a fairy but with a wing broken. So it made my day almost every time we got to go to the gym.

 

The day ended almost like usually until my friend Sam came. She was from up north and a year older then me. This girl and me clicked before we even talked. She had the same issues as me take away hearing things. Though the night ended and he didnt answer his cell phone I went to bed feeling much better you could say about my self.

 

Day four, woke up did the usually but after breakfast they had a church service. It was really nice sense I was the week of Christmas and this old couple who came in thought we were like their life’s. The preached about God and it really was a amazing feeling to have people like that come in. they didn’t seem to care if we weren’t listening. They were doing what they loved together and that is what made them so wonderful.

 

Later on that day my grandma came into visit me. She still tells me to this day that I looked like was high or more then just pills. I personally don’t remember anything I said to her. From what she tells me I told her everything that had happened sense I was in there, and she never wanted to see me there again.

 

Sunday night he answered, his voice sounded hurt. Come to find out he called me every single day and they always hung up on him. So all the time I cried about it he called to see how I was. I remember everything him asking when I was going to come home but one thing I also remember is he was at Hooters with his friends so he had to go quick.

 

Though being super upset at the fact that happened my mom that night brought me new sweat pants and few shirts. I remember just saying why would she do this. Bring me clothes to make up for me being in a mental hospital like our you kidding me. I got over that sense know other parents did that for their kids but at the same time still did not understand.

 

Day five same as usually but my mom came and visited me. I personally was to drugged up to tell everything but from what I remember it wasn’t good. She came it started of asking about a pen, because you were not allowed to have a pen in forest view but I stole one from the front desk. Then it got crazy I remember yelling at her making her cry and telling her to get out. Then suddenly she was gone, out the doors.

 

That night there was this kid named brain he thought it would be funny to through a pencil at a guy who was put in there for anger issues. So he got the crap beat out of him by two guys. Then brain thought it would be great to through a poster at me. An to make it worse I already had the worst day ever. So I went up to him and said “ If you throw that at me I will knock you out till you cant breath.” add a few swear words in there. Then it was time for bed.

 

Day six I had my parents meeting. In the meeting I guess it was suppose to allow the kids to share everything with their parents. Truthfully it was annoying, and I didn’t share anything. An they told my mom I was going to be allowed to be brought home tomorrow.

 

Day seven my last day everything was great I was anticipation the fact that I was allowed to leave at 11:30 that morning. I don’t think a clock ever went slower then that because I am pretty sure I looked at it every 5 minutes. Then the time hit, and to go home away from the hospital felt amazing.

 

I got to leave but the doctor made me be in out patient for three days, during the next week. Though I wish I could say all my issues went away after the hospital well they didn’t. I still do self injury and feel suicidal but I also am putting those emotions towards sharing my story with others. So far I have spoke at a few places about suicide. I also have a blog and facebook page up for it. The hospital hurt me at the time but today has made me my independent person I am.