I’m sick of waiting.
I’m sick of having my heart broken again and again.Â This year has been horrible.Â I started off telling someone something and having it thrown in my face, and then recovering from it only to find myself falling for the same things all over again with someone new.Â But this person is different, yet I have to wait for her, but she will disappear from my life.Â I don’t want that…
She makes me want to strive, but then not being there for her makes me sick, I’m being to obsessive maybe.
I feel empty without her, she’s special, and I don’t want this pain.Â I know I shouldn’t dwell on suicidal thoughts but that’s all I want right now…just to fade away, and hope something else is better on the other end.Â I feel like deleting all of these sentences, I keep rereading them and hate myself more for this.
I keep remembering a quote of someone saying something along the lines of being alive means you have a purpose still because your not dead.
But what if your purpose is too die, for others to gain something else.
All this stress is killing me slowly, not being able to eat, not being able to get things done, waiting for her, trying to understand if I should wait for her when she’s says don’t get too attached, but whatever happened to being romantic?Â I thought everyone would love that stuff?
I hate this so much…
I’m afraid of a future that I will lose things and never get them back…
I’m sick of waiting for whatever reason…I want my life back…because the middle of this year was great now it’s going back to being shit…my whole world is shit, my best friend is trying to find a way to cope with his divorce, my mothers depressed, I can tell, my friends have lost their jobs, my heart hurts, and everybody else seems like their lives are going to shit.
I had happiness for a moment this year, great happiness and then all of a sudden it was taken away from me.
So why carry on?Â It’s just more heartbreak down the road, but then I have a tiny ounce of hope that things could change…but that’s becoming fragile as well…I don’t want to lose people.