I have always believed that Suicide is a personal choice and that it should be a lawful and valid answer for any ADULT (sorry, there is SOOOOO much drama during the teen years that if legal EVERYONE would commit suicide) that is in so much physical or psychological pain that they just want out.
If you are in so much physical pain – from an illness, injury, birth defect, etc. – that day-to-day life is a struggle and you are in constant unbearable pain, I believe that if all else has failed and you CHOOSE suicide, then you should be supported in your decision.
If you are in deep emotional pain caused by abuse, neglect, mental illness, low self-esteem, just every day life and Nothing you have tried has helped, and you are CERTAIN that you don’t want to suffer any longer, then you should be allowed to choose suicide as an answer.
I have supported people that I love and care about as they have killed themselves, knowing what they had been through and were still going through. I believed them that they could not bear another minute alive and suffering. Â When others turned their backs on them, calling selfish and weak, I supported their choice.
But now I have a delima.
My son, my ONLY living blood relative, is planning his death using the suicide bag, helium, Â and about 100 oxycodone.
I carried him in my womb for 9 and a half months and gave birth to him. Â He is all I have in this world. Â I don’t have any living relatives and no other children. Â I would die for him. Â I would do anything he needed or asked for, I love him so much. Â And now what he wants is to die. Â He has been a tormented soul since childhood. Â He “inherited” Major Depressive Disorder from me. Â I have been struggling with it since I was a pre-teen. Â I have attempted suicide once but was found by my parents after a friend came to the house insisting to see me because she was upset over a boy. Â I had not told anyone what I was doing – so there was no one to stop me. Â But my parents let this person in the house, then my room, and they found me unconscious and barely breathing, with numerous letters on the bed to my parents, my friends, and my boyfriend. Â Of course they rushed me to the hospital and they pumped my stomach and filled me up with charcoal and saved my miserable life. Â I was so disappointed. Â But following that, I was forced into treatment, therapy, and medications. Â I’m still on medications and in treatment. Â I am morbidly depressed but have not desired suicide since the day I found out I was carrying my son. Â I decided to live for his sake.
Now he is asking me to let him go. Â And for the first time ever, I do NOT support suicide as an answer. Â We have talked and I KNOW he is in deep, dark, emotional pain that has consumed him for years. Â When he was young I took him to shrinks and counselors and we tried medication, but once he was old enough to say “No” he quit all of it. Â And dammit if he didn’t go to college and get a bachelors degree in Psychology – just so he can manipulate his way out of any “forced” help.
How do I reconcile the fact that I support suicide for my friends, family, and even strangers who are suffering and want to make it all go away, but when it comes to my son I am selfish and do not want him to leave me all alone??? Â It isn’t fair for me to single him out and say it’s not right for him. Â He is truly suffering. Â He is so sad and depressed and lost and lonely and all the things that make life impossible. Â He has had the “courtesy” to let me in on his plans so that I will not be caught off-guard or call for help when I find him. Â But I am afraid that if he dies I will no longer have a reason to live either.
What can I do?