Since I was 9/10 years old, I’ve been having thoughts of suicide. I won’t go into detail, but I will tell you that I have had a terrible life so far. I can’t think of a single moment where I was truely happy. I learned to live with thoughts of suicide and depression, but lately it’s taking me over. I really don’t see the point in living anymore, I don’t care about anyone or anything. I have just started college, but I know I am going to fail (for the second time). I am not prepared for anything, and I refuse to do so in the future. I don’t want a job, I don’t want a house, I don’t want kids, I don’t want a wife, I don’t want life. If anyone reads this and thinks ”Things may change for this fellow in a while, he shouldn’t kill himself”, you are dead wrong. I can’t be happy anymore, I wouldn’t even know what happiness is. I will probably kill myself soon. Anyways, just wanted to throw that out there, since I have no one to talk to. Thanks for reading.
5 comments
You say you have no one to talk to. If you want someone to talk to i’m here and I’m sure a lot of other people are too. You just need to give someone a chance. Email me. Make one last promise before you decide and email a complete stranger. I might know nothing about you but I’m willing to learn and I’m willing to help in anyway I can. Then you can decide if you still want to go through with it or not. blueyedgrl6474@aim.com
I am sorry you are so alone in your pain. I won’t try to discourage you, I just want to tell you that I am here if you want to keep venting. Don’t know if that’s what you want or if it would help at all but, just in case, I’m here.
i feel kinda the same way..the days are so tasteless and hard to finish..i just started college and i dont wanna be there, dont want a career or a job. cant see my future and the restless nights where you csnt sleep and cant sit still or find anything to do..im not trying to “Understand” you or anything..just saw your post and felt the same way.. i hope you make it though.
Your life isn’t over, far from it, but it’s life that’s made you like this, the dead, shellfish world, them judgmental, low people. But honestly life is only as short as you make it. It can be small, it can be big. It can be better it can be worse. Depression won’t go away in a minute it’s something that’s now apart of us, like another personality. Because when I’m depressed I go into all sorts of moods. My problems may not be the worse but they still put me at my worse but don’t give up. Something, someone out there can help. I wanna help. So let someone give it a try.
I know how you feel – suicide and depression became a part of my life from a young age and I learned to deal with it, rather than putting it into action. I fucked up school – I couldn’t focus, I wouldn’t let myself. I would smoke weed, take ecstacy, sniff coke, anything to get out of reality for a moment but all my problems were sat waiting for me. Depression got the best of me. I spent two years without leaving the house until I decided to hang myself. Psychiatric hospital, doctors, moving out and a lot of time later.. I’m about to go back into education but at the same I just want to run away. I know I can’t and won’t ever be happy, I really know that despite what people say. I try and find things to make me appreciate or enjoy life, I really try – but I can’t be happy. When you’re like that you want to throw everything away, life, career, future – you think whats the point. I want to do that but I can’t, I’m not going to kill myself, I want to but I won’t.. not yet anyway. I’m really going for something i’m passionate about in life, the only thing I genuinely say I want to do.. if it doesn’t work out then I know the only place I can find happiness..