Before I post this please everyone understand I’am at a point in my life where I just don’t know so please don’t judge me – I don’t judge others as each person I believe has the right to do what is best for them in life.
My name is Sammi,I’m 32 years old I live in the UK.I have had a few heartaches in my life and I’m left today with a question mark in my head..do I want to carry on in my life where I can only see it spiral out of control or do I do what I feel is the best option for me right now,which is to end my life (Helium head bag) I lost my Mum a couple of years ago to pancreatic cancer stage 4.She was told she had 3-4 months to live but lasted 9 months an 18 days.I then lost my Gran a couple weeks later and my husband lost his mother.I then discovered my sister was sleeping with my husbands sister n the bed my mother spent the remaining months of her life in.My sister in law has dual citizen ship in america and my sister did this to gain citizen ship into america,she has tried many dififferent ways to get in there i.e dating american men in the hopes of marriage.She married one of my sister in laws male friends and they live together out in the states.My Mum never wanted a will as she always believed she was going to make it (why shouldn’t she have hoped for this) but 2 days before she passed my eldest sister got a lawyer in and had every single thing left to her everything down to the dog.I was so so close to my Mum and I didn’t even as much as get a photo of her after it all.Anyway I’m sorry I sound like I’m rambling but I’m trying to paint a picture so you can understand my thought process here.I not long ago had a gastric band put in cause well lets face it I’m fat,why else would I have it but I’ve been plagued with weight my whole life and have no confidence as a person (I’am aware people will leave mean comments because of my admission,but that’s nothing new to me)Anyway my husband tried to start his own buissness last year and it could have the potential to be something,so he tells me but for now it has left uss with no money.We are months behind on the mortgage had our phone line cut and the electricity and gas will be cut soon.There is no money coming in and I have a little girl that I love dearly.I’m not saying I’m going to do this or that for sure nor am I looking for advise on the best way to do it.I don’t know if this is a cry for help or if its my way of explaining my motive for doing it.I by chance stumbled across this website and read other stories and felt compelled to write this.Please try bare in mind I’m a person who really is feeling very down on life and myself and I have no support network or family to turn to so please don’t judge me to harshly.Thank you
8 comments
Goody, there’s no need to judge you. It won’t cool down the hot water. Things are ugly as it is. I hope the situation will be better soon. I can only wish. And you can only try to make it better. Rest is uncertain.. TAKE CARE.
Thank you very much,it does mean a lot.I’ve read a lot of stories on here and felt a little scarred to post as I’ve seen its a mixed back of comments and I’m in the frame of mind of I would probably break down in tears if I read harsh comments but I’m surprised to cry at your comment.Thank you for reading my post and taking time to comment.I’m not claiming to have answers to anything all I know is I’m finding the option to end it all more appealing than not.
If you die, then one thing for sure, your lovely princess would feel betrayed and cheated for the rest of her life. Expect her crying all alone, hating everyone. May be she would think about doing the same thing that you did.. You gave her the life. Please don’t make it a burden to her. This world has enough gloomy people.
I know exactly what you are saying and believe me I have went through this in my head so many times.I’ve toyed with the idea to go walking way up in hills close to me and go deep into the woods and do it so I’m never found.I’ve been plagued with depression since my early teens and I guess you can say I was your typical teenager (Cutting myself – but not deep enough to do anything)The kid on I’m gonna kill myself attempts with 5 paracetomol stints.This is different this is a very strong urge I have and not been able to get out my head.When I’m researching the ins and outs of the exit bag I feel passion and this scares me.I don’t think I have ever actually felt as lonely as this in my life and the way I see it is its not going to change any time soon.A life like mine is not one worth wanting 🙁
🙁 Depression increases thousand fold when we feel lonely and everybody is too busy to teach us lessons of life instead of giving some real support.
Yes they are ! That’s why I think I cried a little when You responded,I WAS expecting people to jump down my throat.There is only so long you can paint a smile on your face
Maybe putting all your focus on making your husband’s business a success and giving your daughter all the love you can will take your mind off your pain and maybe even alleviate some of it! Those are 2 people you know love you very much. Take care of them and hopefully that will help you take care of yourself too!!
And don’t worry about being jugded…people hate on others because they really hate themselves
Hello Beautiful. It can be very hard to find beauty in our world when we are depressed. However, every life has beauty when we look for it. I’ll post something beautiful here for you. Can you look around you today and write to me about just one beautiful thing you found?http://blog.amyatlas.com/2011/01/everythings-coming-up-roses-guest-dessert-feature/