For the last 5 years i have been feeling like my life lead me to the middle of nowhere. I become more invisible day by day and others care less and less about my presence. You might say its because i don’t communicate or interact with world, but no, it would not be true. It is just because i just don’t fit in, and my attempts are noticed just for a short time and i always end up alone and disappointed. No matter how funny or talkative i am for one moment in the next one i am just gone. It seems others make friends and contacts in no time with less effort and time based just on good looks(maybe i am not handsome enough ?) and boring chit chat or copy cat personalities(Yea sometimes when others say something I have told before, it makes loughstorm) . It becomes more and more difficult to get up smile and talk to people, because i know… i won’t be able to leave the impact on them, and once we meet again they won’t be more friendly and they won’t let me closer no matter how much i show interest and positivity in conversation, it just seems going down dead end.
So no matter what, I am ready for the last jump to try to get over this chasm or to fall in it. If i can’t gather my last shatters of positivity and willpower my dignity wont leave me other choice than end this pathetic loneliness fulfilled existence.
And by the way here is the tune for the better mood ”The Killers – Carry me home”.
9 comments
Don’t give up yet, you will find someone who sees the good hearted man in you and she will love that about you
How is it that you’re going about trying to make friends? Maybe it isn’t you at all, perhaps the problem lies in your approach. Or, maybe you are different, but that isn’t something that’s necessarily bad. It may be harder to find friends, but there are always people out there that we’re compatible with.
I will try to get more positive and see what happens.
I can relate to everything you say. I too just don’t seem to fit in. After retiring it lead to a servere case of anxiety/depression. I’ve felt ready to throw in the towel also. I decided to find a therapist and try to dig myself out of this rut. I’m seeing gradual progress and my therapist is working with me to work out the social issues. I’m also tired of being alone and lonely, so I’m hoping this works. Have you thought of working with a therapist, Toast? I’d strongly recommend it. It’s worth a try!!!
Don’t be so focused on trying to “make an impression”. The best way to start a friendship is to start a conversation and then LISTEN. People love talking about themselves. Ask questions about their life and when they tell you, be genuinely interested. Look into a person’s eyes as they speak to you. Just from what you’ve written, it seems like you are self-conscious about making an impact and people might be picking up on that subconsciously.
The therapy thing is a good idea also.
I don’t think that problem is in my way of communication because i show interest in what they have to say, and from my point of view the conversations are all right, but they just don’t lead anywhere further. And by the way i don’t think that my mind is that much messed up that i should go to therapist.
Do you continue to engage with these people? Have you ever tried asking them to do something? Maybe you could try extending an invitation of your own to do something.
Your mind doesn’t have to be in shambles to see a therapist. It may help to unearth some hidden variables that you aren’t aware of.
Good reply Shouldl, my therapist has me working on the very thing.
Yes i have thrown some parties at my place, but they haven’t led to anything good either. And i don’t give up with the first time, i go and talk with them again and again till i feel that there is no point bothering, because all i get is relatively short answers and than i try to tell something interesting till i understand that i might as well would be speaking with a wall.