I just want to run away, lose myself somewhere unfindable and do nothing but write things and sing things until it all starts to feel okay again. I’m tired of expectations, my own and everybody else’s. I just want to be alone with my words, completely alone. I don’t want to return until things start to make sense and I feel calmer and freer and completely comfortable with total independence. I need to learn to love my own company above everyone else’s because it’s not like anybody will ever stick around in my life for long. Sad, yes, but it’s a reality I must face. I am alone and I will stay alone and I need to feel okay with that. Because if I can’t make myself feel okay with that, I will stop feeling okay. And feeling okay is about all I have now, so I must hold onto it tightly. Okay is safe. Okay makes sense. Okay is simple and uncomplicated. Most of all, okay is pain free. And I don’t think I’ll be okay for much longer if I stay where I am. And not being okay is a scary thought, because if I am not okay, I could be any number of bad things. And being okay is better than that. So I have to be okay.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
5 comments
Humans can’t just exist by themselves, they need others around. The trick is finding the balance between being comfortable with oneself during those times when we’re alone, and also being able to connect with other people when the opportunities present themselves.
It’s a very attractive thought. I want to do that too so bad man. Just get some alone time away from the world for some quiet reflection.
Pain free? Pain means you’re still alive.
Thank you for explaining exactly how I feel.
I know how you feel……….