this is my story its kinda long but hear it goes will I’m 19 my life isn’t hard. but I’ve been bulled ever since i can remember just because I’m dyslexic doesn’t mean I’m stupid. i can control this i was born like this i know i spell things wrong you don’t have to point it out to every one in the class. also the teachers make it feel like its my fault if i don’t come to them and ask them to spell check every thinks. I’m so sick of asking for help i want to just do it on my own for once […]
September 2012
I’ve landed back at my mom’s after yet another bipolar misfortune and It’s just torture to see how happy they are here. I am the weird vampire with  permanently shut curtains in an enclosed chamber that forcibly goes out only when strictly necessary. Still the door is not thick enough to prevent my family’s loud and constant laugher from reaching my ears. I get to hear their phone conversations and how they constantly make plans to meet others, go out to restaurants, country houses, trips and even to have sex. I want to strangle them. They once asked me, would you rather all of us […]
I feel dead. I feel worthless. I feel useless. I feel sad. I feel hopeless. I feel pathetic.
I lack any positive feelings. All day. Everyday.
Dread fills my mind, body & soul.
I want it to end.
I want to end it.
I don’t have it in me to go on with any of it.
I just want it all to end.
I wish I knew what happened to that cheerful, would-be artist of yesteryear. I’m always longing to return to the days when I felt the passion and joy of artistic creation. Painting fixed everything back then, now it feels like a chore. I hardly draw anymore and even my recent fascination with writing is fading away. The bad days are beginning to outnumber the good, but I’m too scared to end it all. I’m not a good person, but I want to change. Oh, what I wouldn’t give to change! I hate myself and I don’t know why, but I can’t make it stop and […]
Sex: No matter what trends come and go, no matter what the politicians, priests and parents tell you, sex will always be a priority. Scientists rank it as #2, just behind self preservation. Religions can tell you it’s good or bad, government can control it or liberate it, parents can condone it or forbid it…all in all, you’re still going to have sex. It is the primal urge that supersedes anything that anyone could ever teach you. It is the “animal” in us that refuses to die.
Drugs: The drugs referred to in the phrase “sex, drugs and rock and roll are considered “recreational drugs”. Most […]
I am a 40 year old married father of 2 piece of shit. I have been trying to kill myself since the age of 8 and never finished the job because I am afraid. I am diagnosed w/ bi-polar disorder/PTSD/ADHD. I am unemployed and draining the life out of my family. I have no purpose on this earth, no talent and no drive. I am on 6 medications and my wife has been stealing my anti-anxiety, ADHD and sleeping meds. When I confront her she just denies everything and says I’m crazy. I may be emotionally disabled, but I am not retarded, so […]
The worst place is being stuck somewhere between life and death. Having given up living or making any real effort at life I’m just stuck in this degenerative state. Void of hope or plans or positivity, I’m just here existing, barely. Watching painfully as everyone else around me if moving forward and I just seem to be sinking deeper and deeper daily. A therapist I saw a few times asked me if I was going to kill myself, I told him that I was more scared that I would not be able to than if I would. I don’t have a plan only […]
I love my friends with all my heart, but it really seems like they just don’t care about me. Saying they do is one thing, but doing is another. Whenever they need help, I’m there. Whenever they need anything, I’m there. It could be just a small problem and I’ll listen to them no matter what. I have picked them up in the middle of nights many times. I do things without expecting a thank you in return. But whenever I’m feel sad or hurt they just give some one-liner bullshit like “Oh, I’m sorry.” Then they move on with their day. I’ll be honest […]
A stranger hides behind my face,
Someone which no one sees.
A broken soul,
imprisoned by remorse,
longing to be set free.
A stranger walks on by your home,
unnoticed by your eye,
You think its me, when it’s not,
My faces’ clever lie,
Chained to darkness,
but not by choice,
Punishment befitting my sins,
Regret and bitter judgement,
ever closing in.
It steals my name,
It wears my clothes,
this stranger,
that everyone knows.
I just want to end my life. There doesn’t seem to be any reasons to stay…
The caving sinking feeling,is back. its back and i cant handle it anymore. they were supposed to get better. they were supposed to be looking up…but im falling back down again, back into the darkness, back into the misery that never ends. And now its back…its like a relapse….and i know this time theres no coming out. i know this time its it. i know this time i wont fail.
Suicide I Can Never Complete
My empty blue eyes can see no way out,
My soul keeps on screaming but no one can hear,
Life is my prison and I can’t break out,
But I try, and try, and try.
The brightest colors no longer exist,
Black and grey is all there’s left now,
You try to reach out,
But I’m too far away now.
Don’t say that I’m smart,
And don’t call me beautiful,
Even if you mean it,
I can’t tell the difference between truth and a lie.
I’ll drown in the tears I can no longer cry,
And I’ll swallow the pills I can never […]
I feel pathetic and like I am headed no where. When I am brave  enough to talk to my mother about how I am feeling, she doesn’t even care or attempt to understand. She tells me how ungrateful I am and always makes me feel guilty about how much money she spends on me, yet when I give her the money back she refuses it. Last night my brother kicked me in the chest while we were in the car – hard. I couldn’t breathe and felt as though I had the wind knocked out of me. She told me that we would go to […]
Back in January of this year (2012) I lost one of my best friends. (Please read it all)
I have always struggled with my own depression since I was about 12 years old. Ironically, I was severely depressed about the prospect of death. I didn’t want it to happen, ever. I knew it would come one day as it does for all humans, but I didn’t want to accept that fact. I wallowed away for so long. Day after day I would come home from school and just fall asleep on the couch and do nothing. It took me nearly two years to come out of […]
I have thought and battled trust me, I have got myself out of some really downward states. the thing is though I cant change my life, my external life, Ive changed my internal one but my external one remains empty. I struggle to accept that while I am good looking/ wise/ good hearted/ fun (if im in the right mood) my looks and who I am just means nothing to the majority of women. I guess my problem is in my empty life that I have come to rely on dating sites instead of real life.
Im 34 , good looking and the only woman who seems into me […]
i want to die.can anyone tell me plzzzz.
I first tried to kill myself when I was 8. No particular reason, I just felt like it. My parents punished me by taking away my mobile phone for a week -_-
12 years have passed and none of my family believe me still.
Doc put me on prozac a few months ago. Increased my dose. No change.
My Mum is the devil reincarnate. A psycho in her own nature. We’re all scared of her.
I love my boyfriend, I know I do – yet I just don’t feel anything for him at the moment.
I’ve had enough now.
Damn, I feel so heavy…so overwhelmed. The weight of the world just sits on my weary shoulders. A heaviness that seems to make every step unbearable. My entire body aches. A dark cloud hovers over my head and follows my every move. A cloak of darkness surrounds me. I live in a world with no light. I am alone. I call out to the universe…pleading for help. No one hears me. Tears constantly flow from my puffy eyes. I am consumed by dark thoughts. These “dark” thoughts are the only thing that eases my pain anymore. Suicide. The thought of just going away. But yet […]