I am a 38 year old loser. I have a degree in nursing I know the signs of depression. Seven months ago I quit my job I just couldn’t get up, I didn’t want to get up. I didn’t want to do anything but lay there. Ok so I was already depressed how was not showing up to work going to make me happy. So I lost my job now I am sad and I have no job. At this point I don’t even care I should care but I don’t all I want to do is to lay down. I cry over everything but nothing at all. Oh but it gets better. I wrote a few checks that didn’t clear the bank now I am going to jail. I went from a law abiding citizen to a criminal. How because I just can’t get up I have no intrest in anything. My mind races from one thought to the next. All I can think about is ending my life. The only thing that saves me is I don’t want my kids to find me laying in a puddle of blood. I know I need help but there is no help. Nobody cares that I feel sad all day everyday there was a time I could be sad and I could still function. What changes now I can barely make myslef move to take a bath or brush my teeth. I keep thinking my kids will be better off without me everybody will be better off without me. I have become a boil on the butt of humanity. Tonite I am going to end it I just can’t feel this way anymore.
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2 comments
What have you done to make it better? You have kids? Are you kidding me? If you have a life-threatening condition you need to treat it medically. Would you rather die or would you rather feel good again. Perhaps better than you have felt in years.
Oh my god, without medication it’s unbearable. You’ve gotta give it a shot. Your brain is crazy right now but you have to look to that part of you from when you were healthy. Meds made such a huge change in me. It’s not 100% better, but depression is generally more treatable than bipolar disorder. There are things you can do.
I can completely relate to what you are writing. Since I lost my place, my stuff and my head in New York and came back to Colombia to recover; I don’t want to ever wake up. I spend days without going out and hang out in sweats. I have no motivation whatsoever to do anything and my future seems empty and cruel. It’s been three months now. I know how it is feeling that depressed. I am surprised how many depressed people can still function. I also would love to just die but it’s very hard to kill the human body in a dignified and painless way so I just bare there desperately and silently.
I also owe $200.000 dollars in medical bills. They are not threatening me with jail but my credit will be ruined for a long time. I am sorry you’re feeling this way too. It must be hard to feel these way having kids and all… I wish you the best and hopefully something will change. x