The Boy With the IV

I read alot. Majority of the books I read I find on Wattpad an online place where you can upload your writing and read what others wrote. Recently I’ve been pulled in by books that always end in heart ache.
I just finished reading the novel “The Boy With the IV” by bellapotter_16. And I cried so hard for someone who doesn’t exist. I never knew how much cancer has affected my life directly, besides the fact that cancer is the reason I woke up one morning to find out my grandmother is dead. I was eleven, and never thought about what she was going through, now that I’ve read this novel and met Joel the cancer ridden seventeen hear old who wants a normal life even though he’s dying, I now know how much I fear cancer.
I don’t fear it because I might get it, I fear it be quad I may lose someone else that I love because of it. I lost my grandmother, I don’t know if I’d be able to handle falling inlove and then losing him to cancer later on or ever.
Where does that put me though? Everyone is at risk to have cancer, right? And if that is correct, then am I setting myself up for heart ache in every possible direction when it comes to falling in love?
I know I’m seventeen and shouldn’t worry about love and marriage and stuff like that. But I don’t know real love, and I want to know and feel true and real love. But what if every fear that consumes me holds me back from falling in love? Or what if the fears cause me to push every guy away this causing a very fearsom and lonely women with a half dozen cats and a beagle named Stein?
I fear so much, but I can honestly say I don’t fear my own death. Is it truly easier to die than to experience heart ache? Or am I just a paranoid seventeen year old who needs a better social life?