I am a 40 year old married father of 2 piece of shit. I have been trying to kill myself since the age of 8 and never finished the job because I am afraid. I am diagnosed w/ bi-polar disorder/PTSD/ADHD. I am unemployed and draining the life out of my family. I have no purpose on this earth, no talent and no drive. I am on 6 medications and my wife has been stealing my anti-anxiety, ADHD and sleeping meds. When I confront her she just denies everything and says I’m crazy. I may be emotionally disabled, but I am not retarded, so I know wtf is going on. I have been taking my meds to try and live a normal life, but I just keep running out because of them turning up missing. I have been called a worthless piece of shit and beaten by my mother through all of my youth years. I am now being called a worthless piece of shit from my wife everyday. When I try to defend myself I am told to keep my mouth shut in order to not disturb the children. I am selfish, self-loathing and a leach on my wife’s financial support. I am only making my family’s existence miserable and my wife makes sure I know that several times a day. I am always thinking about ending my life for their benefit, but I am too afraid to go all the way. My fear may stem from my selfishness for all I know. I have no worth to anyone and I need help overcoming my fear of killing myself. I am just looking for support to not fear my demise. I have been a worthless waste of human flesh since childhood and I know that. I no longer want to be here, I need to do this. Please help me.
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5 comments
By the way you describe your mother and your wife, it sounds like you’ve developed a pattern. Are you sure you haven’t exhausted ALL options and possibilities? I’m not here to judge, but I’ve been on this Earth a while too (37 years).
Screw “goals”! Get out of that situation. I’m assuming you live somewhere in the civilized world. You won’t starve to death or end up homeless, as long as you want help, there are many facilities that will make sure you’re fed, clothed and will help you find a new living arrangement.
Don’t think of it as failure. Right now is failure! Think of it as the adventure you’ve been needing. Escape to happiness, the rest will fall into place.
Oh honey you don’t deserve this at all. I feel you I wanna kill myself all the time but never have the strength too and probably never will. If you’re wife treats you bad then you deserve so much better you deserve someone who will recognize your value and show you what you are worth because you are worth so much more than you think just hang in there and don’t give up
I don’t want to encourage you to kill yourself but I respect your wish cause I have the same feeling. I believe that people that have reached a certain age have had enough battling in life to more or less predict their chances of a successful and happy life.
I agree with BlackSwan. Nothing much more to add. Not much keeping me around.
No purpose? You’re a father. Sounds like a good enough purpose to me. Six meds? Find a new doctor, you’re more than likely over medicated which can fuck with your emotions way worse than being medicated. As for your wife, maybe you should try peacefully talking to her. If that doesn’t work- get out of that situation. Is she a good mother? Do you want to leave your kids with that kind of person? If she’s not good… you could always, you know, fight for them. Divorce her. Maybe she is a cause for some of the problems you have? If your self esteem is already low… you don’t need a ***** like her making it lower.