A guy I dated way back in the day just killed himself the other night. It’s been so hard for me to accept, but at the same time I’m thinking he had the right idea. I’m tired of being in so much pain. I’ve been through so much in my life and every day just gets harder. Suicide is on my mind more than anything else. I just want the hurt to go away. This world’s too much.
October 2012
All my “friends” ditched me this halloween. So I thought I would tag along with my mom and siblings when they went. Turns out my mom picked today of all days to be a total ***** and left me crying in the car while they went trick or treating. I feel so alone! My highschool shut down point blank in the middle of the school year, so now I’m getting homeschooled be my mom. I hardly ever see anyone and its depressing. Normally its ok, but its times like this when I really upset and angry that I feel like cutting, or perhaps suicide. Its the […]
I’ve been suicidal for two years, but during those two years I had reasons to keep going. Yeah, those reasons were few and far between, but they were there. I have virtually no reason to live anymore. I can’t drag people down. My friends – they don’t know about this. They didn’t much know about my self-harm (well, not purposely. If it was my choice they wouldn’t know at all), and they don’t know much about my ED. I find all of this, all of what I’m going though, humiliating. I’m not this person. I never was. I used to be so happy, and I […]
These two girls started trying to have a conversation with me today. They were asking me why I was always so depressed and what they could do to help. They were being very nice. I guess they figured I wasn’t a bad guy? Who knows. Anyway…
One of the girls started talking about how she was depressed about 3 or 4Â years ago (which meant she was about 13) because she had moved from her home town to where she is now. She was talking about how she missed her friends and now she could only talk on the phone with them or communicate through the internet. […]
I have good friends. A great family. So why do I always feel like I am completely alone in this little, depressing bubble of mine.
Man I am just…tired of everyone leaving me, my friend died, my therapist is quit her job and didn’t even let me know, my friend won’t even speak to me….I miss them…
I am currently living with my dad and my sister. My mom is in a different city because my mom and dad are divorced. I don’t get to see her much because of school. The school I’m currently enrolled in is really strict and I’ve already gotten written up for things that aren’t my fault. That is not the reason I am writing this. The real reason is because my sister, who is 9 months younger than me, constantly switches back and forth between being my “friend” and hating me. She constantly makes fun of me; especially in front of friends (both mine and hers). […]
While searching “how to kill yourself” I came upon this site. I debated over the fact on wether I should join. Then I did … Well to begin I would like to explain why I was searching that in the first place. Idk I’m just Tired of my whole life completely . This is my first post. And well yeah my life pretty much sucks , I’m getting devoured by depression and anxiety..I hate myself I’m a piece of shit seriously .. if I post later on you’ll get to know why. ..
I cut myself today it was kinda was a way to numb the pain and help me forget about everything on my mind all the sadness I was feeling but now I’m just left with the cuts and I’m trying to hide them so no one notices I just want too stop feeling so sad all the time what is wrong with me!!!
I was just thinking. Why do people guilt trip over cutting themselves?
Who the fuck cares what other people think? (Well, maybe that’s more of my perspective.) It’s non-lethal, it hurts less than getting a tattoo, you just don’t get a pretty picture at the end. I mean, for pain itself, there would be constructive and productive things to do like yoga, or running till your legs give out, that hurt a lot more than some scrapes. The intensity of pain you feel from pushing your bodily limits are usually a lot worse than the actual act of cutting. If you consistently need stitches and […]
I have a really good life at school, but my home life isn’t so good. Ever since I started high school my mom has set stricter rules. I’m really getting sick of it. A couple weeks ago she got so mad at me for saying “okay” to her when she told me to dust. in fact, she got so pissed off she grabbed my arms, then my neck, and then my head and squeezed as hard as she could. I guess you could say she abuses me verbally with “You’re going to kill me.” and “You are the worst child.” She has never apologized to […]
The saddest thing about my life is not that I’m going to die alone, in pain and without a shred of comfort. The saddest thing is that I didn’t do it sooner.
i’ve never been a fan of halloween, but this year i cancelled plans with my best friend to drink 1.5 litres of wine, right out of the bottle, in my pajamas, in bed, playing with my box cutter, keeping quiet so my roommates don’t know i’m home.
i just can’t compete in this world.. everyone makes living and smiling look so easy but it just isn’t for me.
So recently, I have started to cut myself. I don’t know why I do it. Maybe it is because I’m numb and it makes me feel something. I have no idea.. But why do you guys cut? I’ve never understood why someone would want to but yet I ended up finding myself doing it.
Im M/30 live in the Toronto area, grew up I was relatively quiet, I had friends, was popular on the football team. I moved away to a smaller city, I have no friends now, I can’t remember the last time I had sex without money changing hands. I have not been in a relationship in 15 years. The only positive thing in my life is my job, and that is starting to fall apart because of my anxiety, depression, and alcoholism. I can’t remember the last time I hugged someone or had someone outside my family tell me that they loved me.
I can’t keep going […]
I was just sitting comfortably in bed watching TV and in a strangely good mood and then suddenly it all went black inside my head and all I can think now is that I want to stab myself multiple times. It’s sort of scary, really, the way I go from balanced and happy to furious and violent in seconds. I thought this sadness was going away, but it turns out it hasn’t, I’ve simply been distracted by school and a supposed social life but I’ve spent the last week at home pretty much alone. I don’t want my happiness to depend on other people or […]
I saw a picture of a girl’s arm covered in cuts and blood.
What did it make me think?
I hate it when it gets so itchy when it starts to heal.
The itchiness alone makes it not worth it, for me, at least.
I don’t know why, but I can’t be happy. Seriously, everything is very well in my life, but.. I just can’t be happy.
I have only a few friends. They are not the best friends You can get and I feel lonely sometimes, but they are good for me. Still, they don’t make me happy.
I have a boyfriend and he says that he loves me. He tries hard for me. Many girls are jealous for me. But.. he doesn’t make me happy.
I’m pretty. Everyone tells me so. But.. I don’t feel pretty enough.
My life is good. So why do I want to die so bad? Why […]
Today I hit my tipping point into trying again. I will seek one last attempt for help with overcoming how I feel , but I don’t believe it will change the outcome i have planned. I haven’t been a large contributor here but have appreciated everyone’s posts.
sometimes silence can’t be undone.
I sit quietly and close my eyes.
I hear the world about me whir and buzz from a distance.
TV announcers raising their voices
debating this and that, arguments and choices
I wonder about the relevance
Of the questions of mice and men
inquiries abound, relentless in their prevalence
I grasp at them desperately, floating mid-air.
Always above my head
They fly by, with me unnoticed.
They tell me, that the answers to all my confusion
are just a step ahead, just a wisp away
But always my battles, end with Pyrrhic victories
Losses more than gains, condemned to mere memories
And…just
Just;
Just when I […]