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a rant from a struggling introvert

by alteisen99

since i’m already here might as well vent out a little bit. maybe some input may give me a bit more perspective instead of using the option of death to calm me down.

turned 24 last month, introverted, depressed for the past 10 years or so, finding it difficult fitting in the modern world and i find it difficult to connect with people and a deeper level. i feel so detached from everything and everyone. i’m more often than not, isolated from the “real” world and watching other people live their lives to the fullest is making me wonder why i can’t do the same thing. i try to live, but it feels so… artificial somehow. i’m rarely motivated, and when i am, it’s often about something no one cares about. i can’t help but think that maybe i am indeed…broken. like there’s something fundamentally wrong with me. i feel like a walking corpse. I’ve been given advise by my boss (she’s a wonderful patient person) about life and how it’s normal for people to struggle sometimes and there will always be people better than me (i’m naturally inclined to compare myself and unforgivably brutal when it comes to self assessment, which is pretty much my environment growing up) but i’m rather tired of fighting what i think is a losing battle. also in my head, there’s a constant fear of people not accepting me for who i am cause almost everyone i met always wanted me to change. “you could have been valedictorian if it weren’t for your personality” says one teacher and the comment reached me via my mother and i felt  bad about it.

i know what’s needed to be done. i know that i need to change a few aspect in my life. but i’m really struggling to put into play these advises and the fact that i feel like i’m alone in this battle is making me feel worse.

there are other people out there who suffered fate far worse than what i’m currently facing and i seem to have people who are open to help me, and i feel even more pathetic knowing those fact X.X sigh… (apologies for the rant)


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Donnie 10/22/2012 - 6:28 am

adopt a cat.

the most boring person ever 10/22/2012 - 6:32 am

hey..your not alone in these feelings..sucks bigtime

Remf 10/22/2012 - 12:43 pm

dont worry buddy, it gets worse, lol, but it will get better too. I am totally Bi polar, so ive been as low as you can go, Ive just gotta wait for the ups..and i will feel a bit better..its a crazy (haha) cycle, its just life i guess… donnie is right cats are friggin hilarious, get one..

RenoBill 4/15/2013 - 12:37 pm

I understand, as I am 56 and been in your shoes my whole life. I wonder sometimes how I made it this far. It is a tough life as an introvert, especially in the U.S. Hope you can find ways to.cope. Don’t try to be an extrovert, that just increases the stress level.

Sidonie 4/15/2013 - 11:59 pm

I understand. I’m about to turn 23, myself. I wouldn’t consider myself introverted. but I know what you mean when you say you feel detached. Disassociated. Like you’re separated from everything somehow and things aren’t as tangible as you remember them. Familiar becomes unfamiliar. You want to do more, but even the most engaging people you interact with seem to have walls built up. Sometimes, do you wish you were the assault gel that could bring that obstruction down? Then maybe something will filter in and they might open up to more elevated forms of thinking.
Ideally, anyway.
And sometimes if people are critical of you, you become weirdly defensive and end up coming off like exactly the person they think you are.
Thing is, you become a reflection of those around you.
You aren’t broken. You’re just aware there’s a reality consensus, and that it’s a bubble that you just aren’t sucked into. So you’re aware there’s more than the bubble.
More than the grooves everyone runs along where others have gone before. More than the track.
Okay, maybe that’s just me. But there’s nothing wrong with you. Perspective.
Everyone has their own personal hell. Our problems are relative. Everyone handles things differently. Just because someone has been through a lot doesn’t make them smart or entitled to anything. And just because what you went through may not have been as serious as “x” experiences “these” people have had, doesn’t make your problems any less serious.
It’s how you handle them. How you view yourself. Keep trying. There are brilliant characters in this world waiting to be discovered, trying to make their own story and figure themselves out. Just like you.
Stick to your guns. And you can talk to me, if you like.
I really do get where you’re coming from.
At the very least, know you aren’t alone.

left22 4/16/2013 - 4:10 pm

I found the following book helpful
Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking
by Susan Cain

On ted talks you can hear what she has to say /susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts

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