Ok, Let me first tell you, what prompted me to look up this website today, and vent out my frustration . I’ve been having suicidal thoughts for the past 3 years.
Having been a remarkable student all my life, something happened 3 years ago, that all of a sudden, you can even say, overnight, turned me into a loser! Its not a specific incident or anything, but I’d even move over to the occult and say I’ve been struck by bad luck. My performance academically started dripping, my concentration levels started dwindling, nothing that I wanted, even with all my sincerity and hard work, I got. It was like all of a sudden ‘God’ decided, I’m gonna screw wid dis guy from now onwards. Then when things became too hot to handle and I couldnt even do well in a research internship, I went to a couple of counsellors ( were they? They couldnt help shit) and then read inspirational books as well. I did gain a lot of inspiration and got motivated to perform but then, today I got the results of a major and siignificant exam, and I found that I’ve given my worst performance till date!! despite having given a sincere effort from my side. Its like all of a sudden, everyone’s got smarter and I’ve gone dumb as a pig. I can’t take it anymore, I feel so violent when I see anyone even smiling and laughing, I feel I want to kill him and then kill myself. I feel Im going crazy facing dissapointment day in and day out, realizing my life’s going out of control every day. I’ve lost faith in god, become a sadistic athiest and have no enthusiasm left for life. I dont expect much from either of you, Just wanted to share my views on how pointless I feel life is these days. I just wish I had a rope to hang myself. Sadly(/Fortunately?), none available.
5 comments
So because you are having a catastropically bad time, you feel like murdering innocent bystanders because they are not you? Good thing you can vent your internal rage and despair here, otherwise a hobbit’s gonna have to turn himself in to the gestapo. lol Thankfully, exams can be taken again, and careers can be changed according to your lifestyle. Time is an ahole, but you go and succeed as planned anyways, got me? Insist on enjoying your life. FTW.
Please do not hurt anyone. You are having severe reaction to your feelings. Have you had a work up medically to determine if there is a possibility of an organic nature? Some people have developed non cancerous tumors in parts of the brain that can cause severe aggression and rage. The important thing is to get to a medical doctor to do a brain scan and confide how you are experiencing things.
Apparently counseling is not working and you need to check out other reasons.
PLEASE make an appt with a medical doctor to see if they can scan your brain to determine possible changes. This is too much an abrupt change in 3 yrs time. It has happened to others and no one thought to look at the brain using scans. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE consider it.
Sounds like it could be an anxiety disorder, triggered by stress. If I were you, I would find a “practice test” or similar test online, take a sedative (any you may be able to obtain) and see if your performance is better.
Get a good night’s sleep. Wake up, eat breakfast, drink a beer or two (if over 21 of course), and give it a shot. If you score better, your family doc. can prescribe you some Zoloft or something.
“Having been a remarkable student all my life, something happened 3 years ago, that all of a sudden, you can even say, overnight, turned me into a loser!”
you entertain the belief that having good grades makes you a winner, and that belief isn’t working in your favor .. it’s killing your self-esteem slowly but surely
you’re better off if you let go of the belief that your academic performance is related to your worth
I used to be a straight A student, still am really, but even being classified as an over-achiever, I am miserable. Grades aren’t everything. Honestly, there’s more to define you than just academic performance. Don’t ever feel like you should be judged on that alone. You shouldn’t feel horrible about it. Who knows maybe one day everything will click again?! All you can do is try your best. That’s always good enough.