I watched the movie “Castaway” again today. “I am so sad…but I know what I have to do now.”

I had forgotten how much that film resonated with me when it first came out; how I cried and cried because of the loss, the tragedy, the helplessness, the irresolute – albeit hopeful – ending.   The words still resonate with me today, now, even while contemplating my own will to exist:

“…We both had done the math.

Kelly added it all up…and knew she had to let me go.

I added it up, and knew that I’d…I’d lost her…’cause I was never going to get off that island. I was going to die there…totally alone…I mean, I was going to get sick, or get injured or something…

The only choice I had, the only thing I could CONTROL was when, and how and where that was going to happen. So… I made a rope; and I went up to the summit to hang myself. I had to test it…you know? of course…you know me.  And the weight of the log, snapped the limb of the tree, so I-I – , I couldn’t even kill myself the way I wanted to. I had power over *NOTHING*.

And that’s when this feeling came over me like a warm blanket. I knew… somehow…that I had to stay alive. Somehow. I had to keep breathing. Even though there was no reason to hope. And all my logic said that I would never see this place again. So that’s what I did. I stayed alive. I kept breathing.

And one day, that logic was proven all wrong because the tide…came in, and gave me a sail. And now here I am, I’m back, in Memphis, talking to you, I have ice in my glass… And I’ve lost her all over again.

I’m so sad that I don’t have Kelly; but I’m so grateful that she was with me on that island.

And I know what I have to do now.

I gotta keep breathing.

Because tomorrow, the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qaA_fSYfmTQ