Once there was a girl who had a very nice life. She lived in a nice place and had nice friends. People liked having her around because she was fun and funny. Some people even thought she was pretty. Some people wanted a relationship with her.
But nobody knew when she was alone the dark places she went. Wishing to be dead. And pain coursing through her body like an electric current. It rendered her crippled and convulsing at night alone with the thoughts and endless tears shed, and dark dark places too many to list and tears, Jesus fuck endless tears.
She wanted to spare her nice friends her pain. So she shied away from her nice life and retreated to the dark place.
She found in the dark places people just like her with dark minds and dark thoughts and together they shared a flood of tears and it was a relief that she no longer had to hide. Those dark people understood.
She grew into the dark place and filled it up and made some people laugh and have fun. And once more people thought she was pretty and funny.
And they wanted her to be that all the time. Because that’s what made them feel better. They didn’t care if she was breaking inside as long as she smiled on the outside and made others laugh.
They didn’t care about her. They only cared about how she made them feel.
Now she is lost with no place to hide.
2 comments
I know exactly how you feel. I put on masks around friends and family….they think everything is great, but it’s not. I attempted suicide three months ago. Ended up in the hospital for a week. I don’t want them to worry that I will do that again so I pretend that I’m happy. When I’m not at work most of my time is spent alone in my apartment….wishing I was gone. I can’t sleep. I don’t eat much. I just lay here hoping to disappear….
I’m sorry you feel this way. I have been lying here for 3 hours trying to disappear